


perfect places

by blkvelvets



Category: BLACKPINK (Band), Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-05
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2019-01-29 18:09:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 21,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12636420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blkvelvets/pseuds/blkvelvets
Summary: nine girls, and a desperate search for a happy ending.edited and re-published.





	1. rebel top gun pilots

**Author's Note:**

> so! i wasn't very pleased with the way perfect places was going and the way i was writing it. so i took it upon myself to edit what i had of it into more cohesive chapters that represent the way i feel it should have originally been written. although this chapter, and the one that will soon follow, are very similar to the original five chapters that were written, i strongly encourage you to read them both! thank you very much for your patience.

all jennie wanted to do was take a nap. 

she had suffered through a long day at school, she’s pretty sure she failed her calculus test, chaeyoung was giving her the cold shoulder, and she had to walk home after missing the last bus. even worse, it was rainy season, and she had left her umbrella at home. all she wants is some peace and quiet and just a _fifteen_ minute nap–

“jennie!” her mom yells up the stairs. “you need to come down here right now and start practicing!”

jennie groans and buries a scream in the nearest pillow. she’s exhausted, why can’t her parents see that? but her mom is getting impatient, and jennie needs to be on her best behavior if she wants her parents to let her go to the movies on saturday with chaeyoung, so she puts on her best obedient daughter face and walks down the wooden staircase to where her grand piano is dutifully awaiting her. 

that beautiful piano is her oldest friend. her father had bought it for her on her second birthday. she had been playing the white and black keys before she could even string a sentence together. she loves it – how could she not? the piano is her entire life. 

but sometimes, she just wants to take a goddamn nap.

“you should practice for at least three hours today, jennie,” her mom calls from across the room, where she’s flipping through the latest interior decoration magazine. “and play that concerto for your father when he comes home from work.”

“yes, mother,” jennie agrees dutifully, setting her fingers down on the keyboard in front of her. she has the itching feeling that she’s forgetting something– right. the movie date with chaeyoung. “is it alright if i go to the cinema tomorrow with chaeyoung?”

“really, jennie?” her mother snaps and jennie winces. there go her plans. “do you really think you should be socializing with that girl when you should be preparing for your audition?”

“no, mother,” jennie responds, trying her best to keep her voice emotionless. the last thing she needs right now is another lecture. the big audition is coming up, the one that determines if the past sixteen years of practice has been worth it or not. not to be completely narcissistic, but jennie isn’t too worried. she’s already made a name for herself in the community as a piano prodigy – any school would be lucky to have her. 

chaeyoung’s going to be pissed, though, jennie thinks bitterly. the younger girl is already upset with her for ditching her during lunch. jennie didn’t mean to, really. she just needed to get that extra bit of practice in. (“you’re a natural, you’re gonna do fine,” chaeyoung had rolled her eyes. “you know how my parents are, chaeng,” jennie had responded, as neutral as ever.)

jennie thinks that chaeyoung doesn’t really understand. her parents don’t care what she does, as long as it’s legal. but jennie’s path has been predetermined. her parents had planned out her entire life en utero. 

step one. have a baby. check.

step two. begin lessons as soon as possible. check.

step three. get into the royal academy of music in london. nearly there check. 

step four. success. fame. awards. international recognition. jennie is nowhere near that.

she knows she’s going to get into the world renowned music school. she has to. there is no room for failure. she is _the_ jennie kim, teenaged piano prodigy, and she does not take no for an answer. 

but sometimes, she lays awake at night and wonders who she would be without her piano. she has no clue. without the piano, there is no jennie kim. it’s a little bit of a scary thought.

jennie takes a deep breath, places her fingers on the keyboard, and begins to play.

//

“are you serious?” chaeyoung whines through the phone three hours later. jennie can almost see her best friend pacing around her room, biting her lip in that way that she does when she’s upset. “tomorrow was supposed to be special!”

“we can always go to the movies another time, chaeng,” jennie sighs, typing away on her laptop as she speaks, not quite listening. she had just finished her long and tedious piano practice, and now she had to focus on all her schoolwork due tomorrow. now wasn’t the best time to listen to her best friend whine. 

“but–“

“come on, chaeyoung,” jennie finishes typing her last paragraph and she saves the document. “what’s so special that can’t wait another week, hm?”

“you’re so mean, jennie,” chaeyoung fake-sniffles and jennie rolls her eyes. so dramatic, that one. chaeyoung has always wanted to be an actress, ever since they were in first grade putting on classic school plays. 

she knows chaeyoung is just faking it, but she can’t help feeling just the slightest bit guilty. “listen, chaeyoung, we can go to the movies next week after the audition. and i’ll pay for everything, okay? just wait a little longer.”

“everything?”

“everything.”

“even the extra large popcorn that you think is a rip off?”

“even that. even though you can just get basically the same amount for fifty cents less-“

chaeyoung cheers though the phone and jennie stifles a giggle at the other girl’s antics. “awesome! i’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

“okay, chaeng. i love you,” jennie whispers, making sure to keep her voice low. her parents are sleeping, and they’ve always disliked chaeyoung.

(“that park chaeyoung girl is no good, honey,” she remembers her mom telling her in third grade. “she lacks _ambition_.” jennie didn’t care about whatever chaeyoung had or didn’t have. all she knew was that chaeyoung sat with her at lunch and gave her snacks. that was enough for her.)

“love you more,” chaeyoung says, and jennie’s heart flutters.

//

jennie’s favorite sonata is beethoven’s 8th – _sonata pathétique._

she learned how to play it before she learned how to read. it always seems to be playing at the most important, the most pivotal moments of her life. it’s the first piece she ever played for chaeyoung when they were six. it was playing when she graduated eighth grade. she plays it every night, before she goes to bed. she’s pretty sure she could even do it in her sleep. so, naturally, she picks the sonata as her audition piece.

when she sits down in the stuffy room, her hands automatically find their way to the right positions on the right keys. she takes a deep breath, and begins.

she loves performing – it sets her lungs on fire, makes her feel so alive and so whole and, god, this is what she was meant to do. she was meant to glide her fingers across the keys, she was meant to produced perfect melodies, she was meant to make the audience tear up in adoration. 

when it’s over, she takes a bow, not being able to stop her face from lighting up at the applause. she takes one look at the the adjudicators and–

_gotcha_ , jennie thinks, seeing the awe written all over their faces.

step three. get into the royal academy of music in london. check.

//

true to her word, jennie takes chaeyoung out to the movies the next day. chaeyoung picks a cheesy romantic comedy. jennie doesn’t really like those– she doesn’t believe that life could ever be as perfect as those movies portray. then again, she thinks about her own life. she’s going to her dream school, she’s with her dream girl (best friend, jennie scolds herself automatically. not dream girl), she’s living her dream life. maybe romantic comedies do come true.

“jennie, there’s something i’ve been meaning to tell you,” chaeyoung says after the movie has ended, when they’re sitting in the park, laying in the grass and looking up into the dark night sky. 

“what’s up?” jennie cocks her head to the side, listening to the younger girl. chaeyoung seems nervous. chaeyoung is never nervous.

“promise you won’t get like, super freaked out, or anything?” 

“i promise,” jennie links their pinkies together and kisses them. (they’ve always made their promises like this, ever since their eyes met from across the room on the first day of kindergarten). 

“i-“ chaeyoung begins, then stops, averting her eyes from jennie’s. jennie frowns a little, wondering what’s got her best friend so worked up.

“come on, chaeng, what is it?” jennie coaxes, giving chaeyoung her best reassuring smile. it works, because then chaeyoung is smiling back, her nervousness seemingly fading. chaeyoung is too bold to be anxious for long.

“i love you,” chaeyoung confesses under the stars and jennie exhales softly, thinking, wow, romantic comedies really do come true. 

“finally,” jennie whispers, leaning in to brush her lips against chaeyoung’s softly, and she thinks that somewhere, someone is playing beethoven’s sonata pathétique.

//

“dinner’s in the microwave, yeri,” jisoo calls from the hallway, grabbing her purse and her prayer book from the table by their front door. “don’t forget, mom and dad aren’t gonna be home until later tonight, okay?”

“okay,” yeri says absent-mindedly, laughing at something on her phone, not actually paying attention to a single thing jisoo has said. jisoo sighs and throws the nearest slipper at her little sister, smiling when she actually manages to knock the phone out of her hand.

yeri’s jaw drops and she glares down her sister before scooping up her precious phone. “what the fuck is your problem, jisoo?” 

“language,” jisoo tuts. “what did i just tell you?”

“you’re going to church, dinner’s in the kitchen, mom and dad are gone. i hear you loud and clear, ma’am,” yeri’s very fond of sass, but jisoo hates it. she wishes she could get the angelic little yerim back, the one who always did her homework and went to church with her family and loved her big sister.

“you’re always welcome to join me, you know,” jisoo doesn’t know why she always invites yeri with her. it’s not like she’s ever going to get a different answer.

yeri scoffs and goes back to tuning her out. jisoo sighs and turns to walk away. maybe one day her little sister will be saved.

//

“fuck,” jisoo groans as she goes through her purse for the third time in a row in the church parking lot. she had somehow managed to leave her tithe money at home – the little squirtle she calls her sister probably snatched it while she was distracted. 

might as well turn around and go home, she thinks. there’s no use in showing up to church empty-handed. gosh, she’s going to kill yerim when she gets home. 

there’s traffic on the way home – of course, jisoo grumbles to herself. she can’t ever catch a break. a girl group is playing on the radio, and jisoo’s heart hurts a bit as she listens to the familiar lyrics. she remembers going to concerts with yeri and bonding over albums and their favorite members, and wonders what went wrong. why her sister is so _different_. why it feels like living with a stranger.

maybe jisoo just doesn’t try hard enough. or maybe she’s too pushy – maybe yerim is sick and tired of hearing about the same things everyday. she resolves to try to understand her fifteen year old sister, to start listening. it’s what the Lord would do, right?

yes, that sounds right. when she gets home, they can watch disney movies and bake cookies and have a good time, just like they used to do when they were younger and their parents were out. she can get the old yeri back, she knows she can. her timing is a little off – she leaves home to go back to college in less than a month. but better now than never, she resolves.

by the time she pulls into their garage at home, jisoo is in an amazing mood, despite the fact that she skipped out on church (to her own surprise, she doesn’t feel too guilty about it. is this how yeri lives?)

quietly opening the front door, jisoo slides off her shoes and tiptoes towards her sister’s room, enthralled with the prospect of spending some bonding time with the girl. maybe this is what they need, she thinks as she pushes open the door without knocking. quality sister time–

“oh, fuck!” yeri screams upon seeing her sister, diving under the covers, and jisoo’s about to reprimand her for swearing– seriously, that girl swears too much for a high school freshman– but then she realizes that yeri isn’t alone. there’s a pair of high heels by the door (yeri hates high heels. she thinks they’re a menace to society) and two long and bare legs sticking out of the covers. oh fuck, indeed. 

jisoo stammers an apology and marches out of yeri’s bedroom as fast as possible.

//

_dear Lord,_

_please forgive my sister. she knows not what she is doing. she’s been corrupted by that girl– that park sooyoung girl. please, Lord, help me guide her back onto the right path._

_in Jesus’ name we pray._

_amen._

//

“yeri?” jisoo knocks this time. she’s certainly learned her lesson– she never wants to see _that_ much of her little sister ever again. 

there’s silence. jisoo knocks again. she’s determined, now. 

“go away!” yeri huffs from the other side of the door and throws something against the barrier separating the two sisters. it hits the door with a resounding thunk, a warning sign. (jisoo should have backed away right then and there, but this is a matter of life or death). “i don’t want to talk to you.”

“yeri, please,” jisoo tries again, using her best sympathetic voice. “you’re sick, but it’s okay! i can help you, just please let me in–“

the door flashes open, and for a moment, jisoo thinks that she’s won.

but yeri’s face is angry and ugly and jisoo thinks it’s a little ridiculous to be _this_ intimidated by her little sister. “how could you ever–“ yeri takes a deep breath, and jisoo sees through the facade. she’s been crying. “no, you know what? you’re so heartless, jisoo, you really are.” 

the door slams closed, drowning out jisoo’s _“i was only trying to help”_ in its wake.

//

the kim parents come back to a completely silent household and a sniffling jisoo on the couch.

“oh, sweetheart, what’s wrong?” jisoo’s mother immediately settles next to her daughter, letting jisoo lean on her shoulder. her father sits on jisoo’s other side, taking one of her trembling hands in his.

(look what you could have had, yeri, jisoo thinks. too bad she had to go and mess it all up.)

“i’m worried,” jisoo finally speaks, voice trembling a little as she talks. “about yerim.”

“what’s wrong?” jisoo’s father asks. “she seemed okay this morning.”

“i came home early from church, a-and she was here. having… _relations_ with a _girl_ ,” jisoo sniffles again, wipes away fake tears, and turns to her mother. “i-i don’t want yerim to go to hell, mommy.”

jisoo may be nineteen – a grown adult, by society’s standards – but she’s always been her parents’ little angel, (she had to be, with yeri growing up to be, well, yeri) and she knows how to play her cards just right.

jisoo’s parents share a look above jisoo’s head and jisoo’s father squeezes her hand reassuringly. “don’t worry, sunshine. we’ll take care of it. you should head to bed now, okay? i’m sure you’ve had a long day.”

jisoo nods and stands up, not before kissing both of her parents goodnight. on the way back to her room, she passes a paralyzed kim yerim in the hallway.

“you’re insane,” yeri hisses, but the anger doesn’t reach her eyes– in fact, she looks scared, jisoo realizes with a smile. 

jisoo shrugs yerim off (“don’t say i didn’t try to help you,” she murmurs when she knows she’s out of earshot) and heads into her own bedroom, where she prays for her sister’s soul three times in a row. 

//

“do we really have to go out?” jennie pouts, tugging at chaeyoung’s shirt as the younger girl sighs. she really just wanted to stay in and watch movies. but, no, chaeyoung and her cousin, sooyoung, were insisting on going out and partying to celebrate jennie’s graduation from high school.

“come on, baby,” chaeyoung whines and presses a kiss to the corner of jennie’s lips, soliciting a smile from the older girl. “it’ll be fun!”

“if you say so,” jennie acquiesces, not missing the beaming smile that lights up her girlfriend’s face. anything to make chaeyoung happy. it’s kind of crazy, how she’s already graduating high school. jennie’s ready, she has her bags packed and a student visa to london in her room. the only thing she can’t take with her to college is chaeyoung.

it stings, the thought of being without chaeyoung for a few years. they’ve grown up together, intertwined in each other since the first day of school so many years ago. but chaeyoung is strong– jennie knows that they’ll be okay without each other for a little while. but that doesn’t make it any easier to leave.

“sooyoung’s picking us up in ten,” chaeyoung tells her before leaving her bedroom to inform her parents of their departure. “wear something sexy, okay?”

park sooyoung shows up twenty minutes late, in her typical sooyoung fashion. that girl has always been running on different time than everyone else. “where’s yeri, sooyoung?”jennie asks once she piles into sooyoung’s older brother’s car alongside chaeyoung.

“for the last time, it’s joy,” sooyoung rolls her eyes and yells over the booming music she plays non-stop. “and you know she’s too young for this kind of stuff. besides, she got into it with her sister, i think.”

jennie frowns. she didn’t know that little freshman who always hangs around them has a sister. she’s about to ask when–

“fuck!” chaeyoung yells, body slamming into the seat in front of her when sooyoung slams on the brake.

“we’re here!” sooyoung announces joyfully, unbuckling her seatbelt and bouncing out of the car. who the fuck lets this girl drive, jennie thinks, making sure that chaeyoung’s okay before exiting the car herself.

“i’m surprise bogum still lets you drive his prized possession,” chaeyoung grumbles once they’re walking the few blocks towards the club they frequent, the younger girl rubbing her arm gingerly.

“he’s out of town for business,” sooyoung chirps, flashing her fake i.d. at the bouncer. they’ve been here too many times for the bouncers not to know that they aren’t exactly old enough to be in such an establishment, but they do pay well, and the people here tend to turn the other cheek when handed a fistful of bills. “what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

“you know i’m his favorite cousin,” chaeyoung shouts over the booming bass in the club. “you should be lucky i don’t rat you out.”

sooyoung just chuckles and pats chaeyoung’s head affectionately. “you’re as intimidating as a baby chipmunk, chaeng.”

“hey!” chaeyoung yells, but sooyoung is already gone, heading towards the bar. jennie laughs and pulls chaeyoung close to her, following behind sooyoung. “buy me a drink, baby?”

“of course,” jennie plants a discreet kiss on chaeyoung’s cheek and intertwines their hands together, ordering one of chaeyoung’s favorite fruity drinks for her and getting a water for herself– there’s no way she’s letting sooyoung drive them back. eventually, the three of them make their way onto the dance floor. jennie’s heart is beating along to the bass line of the electronic music – jennie might be a snob for classical music, but that doesn’t mean she can’t get down to pop remixes in dirty dance clubs. 

after a few songs, she’s starting to get a little tired. “i’m heading to the bathroom, chaeng,” she tries her best to be heard over the music. “wanna come with?”

chaeyoung shakes her head no, too busy moving to the music to register her girlfriend. jennie laughs breathily and pokes sooyoung to get her attention. “watch out for chaeyoung, okay? i’ll be back in a second.”

sooyoung gives her a thumbs up and she takes it as her cue to go and find the ladies room. splashing water onto her face after she enters, she stares into the bathroom mirror, fingers brushing over the newly-formed marks on her neck from when chaeyoung got a little too excited during the last song. 

god, she loves her so much. 

smiling one last time into the mirror, jennie hurries back to the edge of the dance floor, eyes scanning for the two cousins. her eyes light up in recognition after catching a sight of chaeyoung, dancing up against the wall at the side of the club. where’s sooyoung, jennie wonders, brows furrowed, eyes leaving chaeyoung for a second to scan the room for the goofy redhead. 

she’s worried for a moment, but sooyoung is smart. she knows how to look out for herself. jennie’s eyes search for chaeyoung again, and she finds her in the same place she was moments ago. this time, though, she’s not alone. 

there’s a man in front of chaeyoung, one arm pressed against the wall, effectively blocking her from rejoining the mass of bodies on the dance floor. jennie can see chaeyoung’s eyes though – they’re scared, frantic, an expression that jennie has never seen on chaeyoung before.

_oh, hell no_ , jennie growls, beginning to make her way around the crowd. the man is close, too close to her chaeyoung. 

“come on, sweetie, just one dance,” jennie’s close enough now to clearly hear the man’s slurred words, and she clenches her fists tightly, not noticing the pain that shoots through her skin when her nails dig into her palm.

“i-i’m not interested,” chaeyoung stammers, eyes frantically searching for jennie’s, and the older girl has to restrain herself from calling out to her. 

“there you are, baby!” jennie announces her presence loudly, not missing the relief that briefly flashes over chaeyoung’s face. “i’ve been looking for you everywhere.”

chaeyoung smiles and grabs jennie’s hand. it looks like a normal gesture from the outside, but jennie’s hand hurts a little from how tight chaeyoung is clutching it. “can we go home?”

“of course,” jennie nods and starts to lead chaeyoung away from the stranger and they’re almost home free–

chaeyoung squeaks and jennie turns to see the stranger’s hand wrapped firmly around chaeyoung’s tiny wrist. “sorry, we weren’t done here,” he speaks coolly and jennie’s heart races in fear. she might be good with words, but she’s tiny and she knows she can’t hold her own against this statue of a man. but she has to be brave, not just for her sake, but for chaeyoung’s.

“didn’t you hear her? she’s not interested,” jennie forces the words out, trying to wipe out all sign of weakness from her voice. she doesn't think it works though, because chaeyoung is paralyzed in fear and the man still has the same calm expression on his face. she tugs chaeyoung toward but the man just grips onto the younger girl’s arm tighter and chaeyoung yelps in pain. 

a second passes, the club music in the background fading to barely a whisper as jennie’s heart beats loudly in her chest. where is sooyoung, she needs sooyoung–

the man releases chaeyoung with a scoff, the younger girl stumbling forward slightly into jennie’s arms. “fucking dykes,” he spits and jennie recoils as he walks away.

“are you okay?” she whispers, wrapping an arm around chaeyoung’s waist. the younger girl just nods, but jennie knows she’s lying. she’s known chaeyoung for thirteen years – she knows her girlfriend better than she knows herself.

“can we just get out of here?” chaeyoung’s voice cracks and jennie nods fervently, looking around for sooyoung – where is that little brat?

suddenly, jennie feels a hand on her shoulder and she tenses up – it’s him, the man, he’s back. but the owner of the hand giggles and tosses her red hair over her shoulder and damn it, why is sooyoung sneaking up on her like this? “hey guys,” sooyoung yells, ignoring the way jennie winces when she speaks. “leaving already?”

“i thought i told you not to leave chaeyoung alone?” jennie narrows her eyes, staring down (or, at least, her version of staring down. it’s hard to be intimidating when you’re significantly shorter than your intended target) at sooyoung viciously. sooyoung tilts her head to the side, clearly confused.

“what are you-“

“jennie,” chaeyoung hisses, tugging at the older girl’s shirt. “his friends are staring.”

jennie takes a deep breath and wills herself not to look at the stranger’s group of friends. if she sees them, she knows she’ll freeze up, and that’s the last thing she can do right now, not when she’s the only sober one among the three of them. “sooyoung. we have to leave. give me the car keys.”

sooyoung’s drunk, but she reads the situation as fast as she can. “okay,” she breathes, slipping the keys to bogum’s sports car to jennie and begins to make her way to the exit. 

jennie and chaeyoung follow closely behind, keeping their eyes on their friend’s back. jennie thinks that if she concentrates hard enough, she can hear rapid footsteps behind them. _deep breaths_ , she reminds herself. _stay calm_.

and then they’re spilling out into the empty street, cool air entering their lungs and for the first moment since she left the club bathroom, jennie feels at ease. 

but then she hears the footsteps again, and now she’s walking faster, trying to calm down her beating heart. they’re close to the car now, only one more block to go–

the footsteps are increasing rapidly and jennie looks at chaeyoung with wide eyes. “you need to run,” jennie exhales, pressing the car keys into chaeyoung’s hand, but chaeyoung just shakes her head. 

“i’m not leaving you.”

jennie opens her mouth, ready to insist that the girl leaves, but then there’s a push against her back and she hears herself grunt and suddenly she finds herself sprawled out on the ground, face hitting the dry concrete roughly. there’s a throbbing radiating from her nose and scrapes decorating her face, but all she can think about is chaeyoung. she had to have run, she _had_ to.

and then there’s a feminine scream and blood rushes to jennie’s head, because that’s chaeyoung, it has to be, and the only thing she knows how to do anymore is protect her. jennie pushes herself up from the sidewalk and her heart drops when she sees chaeyoung curled up on the concrete, one man kicking into her side – she has to do something, anything. 

jennie runs towards chaeyoung’s attacker, fist raised but then another man slams into jennie, punching the side of her jaw and yelling ugly words but all jennie can see is chaeyoung, she can’t even recognize the pain radiating through her face. 

the man who punched her pushes her back onto the ground, this time face up. she’s close to chaeyoung now, so close, she could just reach out and grab her–

“fucking queers!” her attacker jeers, raising his boot as he stomps down, hard, on jennie’s shoulder. jennie hears the crack but she hears chaeyoung’s babbled pleas louder, the _leave her alone’s_ and the _why are you doing this_ and she notices, for the first time, that she doesn’t hear sooyoung. 

good, she thinks. sooyoung got away.

there’s a kick to her ribcage and that makes her jolt back to reality. chaeyoung’s closer now, jennie can see a bloody gash on her forehead and dark bruises where the fabric of her crop top ends. jennie reaches a hand out, just one, reaching out to cup chaeyoung’s bruised cheek–

she never makes it there, because then there’s a boot coming down hard on her hand, crushing it into the pavement, and for the first time, she hears herself scream.

//

the house is eerily quiet, jisoo realizes upon waking up the next morning. usually, at this time of day, yeri would be blasting her loud music in the kitchen and her parents would be getting ready for work. 

“yeri?” jisoo calls from her bed, receiving no answer. it’s not too unusual, though. her sister’s still probably mad about yesterday. she stretches and yawns, catching a glimpse of the digital clock on her night stand reading 11:58 am. 

weird. jisoo doesn’t usually sleep in. so yeri should definitely be up– the brat has always been a morning person.

right on cue, jisoo’s stomach grumbles and she frowns, throwing on a sweater before leaving her room and heading towards the kitchen. maybe she could go get breakfast with seungwan – she hasn’t seen her roommate from last semester since the school year ended. it would be nice to catch up. 

yawning again, (jisoo has never been a morning person. maybe that was the key, fatalistic difference between her and yerim?) jisoo turns into the kitchen, nearly jumping backwards in surprise when she realizes that her parents are still home– and, even stranger, they have someone with them. 

a nun, she realizes, taking in the black habit and white cloth. “oh! good morning, sister,” jisoo gives the nun a polite smile, trying her best to mask her confusion. it’s too early for this. “mom, do you know where yeri is?”

“she’s in the car, sweetheart,” jisoo opens her mouth, about to ask why, when her father cuts her off anyway.

“we’ve decided it would be best to transfer her to a different school. one that’s further away from unholy influences,” she knows that unholy influences is a codeword for park sooyoung and her lesbian tendencies. good, jisoo thinks. maybe this is what yeri needs to get back on the right path. 

“which one?” jisoo asks as she begins to brew her usual cup of morning coffee. she expects maybe on the other side of town, or in the suburbs outside of the city. at the most, a twenty to thirty minute drive. that’s not too bad.

“actually…” her parents share the same look that they shared last night, and jisoo is beginning to think that they’re hiding something from her. “we think it’d be best to send her to saint mary’s. it’s a girl’s catholic boarding school a few towns away.”

jisoo almost drops her coffee.

“you’re sending her away?” 

“this is what is going to help your sister, okay, jisoo? this is what’s best for all of us.”

jisoo nods and walks away, not able to ignore the pounding in her chest. (this is your fault, she thinks. they’re sending yeri away because of you.) 

but isn’t this what she wanted?

//

jennie wakes up in an empty hospital room.

there’s a constant beeping sound and a monitor to her left. the room is too empty for her liking. there’s no color, no pictures, no plants. 

she lays there for a moment, just taking in her surroundings. and then she remembers– chaeyoung. panic grips at her and she jolts up, reaching for her phone–

it’s siting right there, on her bedside table. she can see it. so why can’t she grab it? she tries again, but it’s not working, her fingers just aren’t connecting and she doesn’t understand _why._

//

the second time jennie wakes up in the hospital, the room is a lot less empty. 

there’s a nurse bustling around her from one side of the bed to the other, checking the various machines and scribbling down words on a clipboard. she thinks she sees her parents on the chairs, talking to a woman draped in a white coat.

she still can’t feel her right hand.

“two broken ribs… clavicle fracture… concussion is unlikely, but we’re being cautious,” she can hear bits and pieces of the conversation, but it’s not hard to piece everything together.

“her hand,” a voice that sounds like her mother’s asks. “what about her hand?” her mother sounds like she’s been crying. jennie feels a flash of guilt.

“we expect her to regain at least fifty percent function,” her unnamed doctor explains. “but, at this point, it seems very unlikely for her to ever regain full function in her hand.”

her mother breaks down into sobs and jennie thinks that if she concentrates hard enough, she can hear _sonata pathétique_ in the distance.

//

park chaeyoung is, apparently, lucky to be alive.

at least, that’s what the doctors tell her. they tell her that if sooyoung hadn’t managed to get immediate help, she and her girlfriend ( _jennie_ , she thinks, where is jennie?) would have died out on the sidewalk. they tell her about everything that’s wrong with her body, everything that’s broken and bruised and bleeding, all because she had the nerve to turn down one drunk guy in a club.

they tell her that she’s lucky to be alive, but she doesn’t believe them. 

//

“wait, this can cause suicidal thoughts? why are you making me take this?” chaeyoung argues on the fifth day, trying to push the medicine bottle back into her psychiatrist’s hand. 

dr. hwang just sighs and closes chaeyoung’s hand around the bottle, not surprised when chaeyoung recoils at the physical contact. they’re going to have to work on that.

“seriously, doc, i don’t need this. trust me, i want to kill myself plenty without medication to encourage me,” it’s supposed to be a joke, but dr. hwang exhales deeply and chaeyoung knows what that means– a transfer from the stroke unit to the psychiatric unit is practically inevitable.

“chaeyoung, please remember when we talked about not being so stubborn. you know you’re not depressed, this is for your post traumatic–“

“where’s jennie? i want to see jennie,” chaeyoung cuts her psychiatrist off, crossing her arms over her thin hospital gown. dr. hwang clicks her pen three times (dr. hwang only does that when she’s stressed or lying. chaeyoung’s been watching) and stands up, opens the door to her office and waits.

“are you seriously kicking me out?” chaeyoung’s voice goes up an octave, panicked and frantic. “why won’t you let me see jennie–“

“you know that she doesn’t want visitors,” dr. hwang speaks in a calm and measured tone, making direct eye contact with her patient.

“look, dr. hwang, just tell her it’s me! she’ll let me in if she knows it’s me!” chaeyoung is teary-eyed and pleading now, the bottle of medication clutched tightly in her hands. “write a special request or whatever you have to do, i _need_ to see her!”

dr. hwang purses her lips and sighs. “i’m doing what i can, chaeyoung, okay? i’ll let you know if she starts letting people visit.”

“when. not if,” chaeyoung bites her lip and heads out of the psychiatrist’s office, pausing briefly at the door. “just.. just tell her that i’m here. she’ll let me in.

chaeyoung leaves and dr. hwang returns to the pile of paperwork on her desk, where ten requests for park chaeyoung to get on the visitor’s list are sitting. denied, all by jennie kim herself.

//

it’s the eighth day since she’s arrived in the hospital, and chaeyoung still hasn't even caught a glimpse of jennie. 

she’s confused, drugged out, and lonely. the medication dr. hwang prescribed to her is working, a little, but her only visitors are sooyoung and, when they can get off work, her parents. she spends most of her time in her hospital bed or in dr. hwang’s office– she’s prohibited from walking around the hospital, though.

dr. hwang says it’s to reduce the possibility of having a flashback in an unfamiliar area. chaeyoung thinks that dr. hwang is just trying to hide something. or _someone_.

the door to chaeyoung’s room bangs open, and she gasps, the familiar stench of blood and the cool air from _that_ night entering her lungs and suddenly it’s too hard to breathe. she tries to take deep breaths, just what dr. hwang taught her to do, but her breathing is shallow and weak and chaeyoung faintly wonders if this is what it’s like to suffocate.

someone is at her side, red hair obscuring her vision, and she can hear them calling her name. “chaeyoung, it’s okay. it’s okay, you’re with me, we’re in your room. you’re safe, it’s okay.”

she blinks and for a moment it’s jennie standing there, looking at her with such a loving gaze that chaeyoung hasn’t seen in so long. “chaeng, you’re okay. do you know where you are?”

“ _jennie_ ,” chaeyoung whispers reverently, reaching a shaky hand out towards her girlfriend, but jennie just takes a step back.

“n-no,” jennie says, shaking her head slowly. chaeyoung blinks again and now it’s sooyoung in front of her. “it’s me, joy. chaeyoung, you’re with me.” 

chaeyoung exhales deeply, feeling the hospital bed under her fingertips and sooyoung by her side and the visions are gone almost as soon as they had appeared. still, something, someone, is missing. “jennie,” she breathes, missing the pained look in sooyoung’s eyes. “i need– where’s jennie?” 

“she’s doing fine,” sooyoung offers weakly, trying her best to calm her cousin down. “but she says–“

“ _what?_ ”

“she’s, uh, she’s fine, chaeng–“

“you’ve _seen_ her?” chaeyoung looks positively furious, chest heaving and an accusing finger leveled straight at sooyoung. her cousin can see jennie, but she can’t? jennie is _her_ girlfriend. they’ve known each other since kindergarten, they’ve grown up together, chaeyoung has spent every bad day in jennie’s arms. if anyone’s seeing jennie, it should be her.

“i-i mean,” sooyoung is nervous and stuttering and chaeyoung wonders why everyone in this stupid hospital is intent on keeping jennie from her. “i guess?”

“take me to her. now.”

“i don’t know if that’s the best idea–"

“i don’t care,” chaeyoung spits out every word, pushing herself off of her bed and grabbing her iv pole. “take me to her, or i swear to god, park sooyoung–“

she doesn’t need to finish her sentence for sooyoung to throw her hands up in surrender. “okay, okay, i’ll take you. but don’t be surprised if she’s not in a good mood.”

“don’t be ridiculous,” chaeyoung smiles for the first time since she’s arrived at the hospital. “she loves me.”

//

one short elevator ride later, the two girls are outside of jennie’s room. as it turns out, jennie has only been a few minutes away from chaeyoung’s room – she’s located in the neurology department, where chaeyoung was supposed to be until the mini-stroke had gotten her moved to the stroke unit. chaeyoung thinks it’s fate.

sooyoung gently knocks on the door before cracking it open, making chaeyoung enter behind her. chaeyoung would be lying if she said that she wasn’t a little frustrated by the older girl’s actions– she doesn’t understand what the big deal is. jennie is her girlfriend. they’re in this together. everyone else seems to have conveniently forgotten that. 

“sooyoung? did you forget something?” chaeyoung hears jennie’s soft voice and her heart soars, filled with love and adoration and–

“what is _she_ doing here?” jennie’s voice turns from mellow to rough, full of resentment and anger and chaeyoung didn’t even know her jennie could speak like that. shouldn’t she be happy? they haven’t seen each other in a whole eight days. that’s eight full days of missed time that chaeyoung intends on making up however possible. 

“i’ll be out in the hallway if you need me,” sooyoung mumbles and dashes out of the room. chaeyoung hasn’t seen sooyoung move that fast since the day she ran out of english class because she heard an ice cream truck drive by the school. those days seem far too distant now, though, the three friends going from sitting together in the lunchroom to sitting in separate rooms in the city hospital.

jennie turns to look at chaeyoung with empty, cold eyes, and chaeyoung quickly realizes that this jennie is different from the jennie that had danced with her eight days ago in the club– that jennie would have never looked at her like this. 

“jennie?” chaeyoung walks towards where her girlfriend is laying, slowly and cautiously, as if she were approaching an injured animal. “are you okay?”

“that’s a stupid question,” jennie responds in a voice lacking all the usual love and compassion, and, well, she’s not wrong, but what else is chaeyoung supposed to say? “of course i’m not okay.”

“i didn’t know you were already letting people visit,” chaeyoung forces out a weak chuckle, trying her best to keep the mood light. there’s something wrong– she can feel it. “if i had known, i would have visited a lot sooner.”

“my room’s been open for a few days now.”

“oh,” chaeyoung swallows. “then, i guess, my stupid psychiatrist hasn’t been letting me see you–“

“no,” jennie cuts her off, shaking her head slightly. “i was the one who kept denying your requests.”

and there it is, chaeyoung’s worst suspicions confirmed. “w-what? why?” this is supposed to be their happy reunion. this, whatever _this_ is, should not be happening. 

“look, chaeyoung,” jennie’s voice softens, and for a moment, she sounds like the jennie that chaeyoung fell in love with, gentle and unsure. “we made a mistake. _i_ made a mistake.”

“w-what do you mean?” 

“i… i allowed myself to become weak. for you, chaeyoung. you were a distraction. i shouldn’t have fallen for you. i’m sorry–“

“no,” chaeyoung breathes, shaking her head, wet tears beginning to form. “no, you’re wrong, there’s nothing wrong about us, jennie, please.” jennie isn’t quite saying it (chaeyoung naively hopes that it’s because she doesn’t really believe it), but chaeyoung can hear the hidden meaning behind her words. that they were a mistake. that their love was the mistake jennie’s been referring to. and chaeyoung can’t believe that, can’t believe that every late night and lunch date and school dance has been a mistake.

jennie is wrong. chaeyoung knows it. 

“chaeng, you don’t understand.”

“then help me, jennie. help me understand.”

“i loved you,” chaeyoung tries not to break down at the usage of past tense. “and i paid the ultimate price.”

“the ultimate price? what–“ 

a muffled cry escapes jennie’s lips and, for the first time, chaeyoung notices the bandaged hand resting limply by her side. “i lost everything, chaeyoung. _everything_. my parents, my hand, my future. all because i loved you.”

“that’s not true, jennie. i’d do anything for you, we can make it through this, we can–“ chaeyoung reaches out to caress jennie’s cheek, the way she always did when jennie was upset, but the other girl just sharply turns away.

“you don’t understand. and you never will. you’re never going to know what it’s like to lose your everything, chaeyoung.”

chaeyoung exhales and lets out a quiet sob, not even able to meet jennie’s eyes. “you’re my everything, jennie.”

jennie sighs and closes her eyes, shaking her head. “i shouldn’t be.”

“jennie–“

“you should go, chaeyoung.”

“no, jennie, i–“

jennie huffs and grabs her phone with her uninjured hand, scrolling through a list of numbers and finally selecting one. “sooyoung,” she speaks calmly, devoid of any emotion. “please come in here and collect your cousin.”

“jennie, please don’t do this,” sooyoung is at chaeyoung’s side in what feels like seconds, trying her best to guide her cousin out of the room as she pleads out to jennie. “please.”

jennie doesn’t spare her another glance.

//

“how do you feel, chaeyoung?” dr. hwang asks and chaeyoung fights the urge to scoff. it’s not her fault, she tells herself. dr. hwang is just doing her job. she feels significantly less animosity towards her psychiatrist now, after learning that she wasn’t trying to purposefully keep her away from–

chaeyoung doesn’t even want to think about her.

“not great,” chaeyoung responds, tapping her fingers against the chair’s armrest anxiously. “i had a flashback earlier today. sooyoung was there to help, though.”

“i’m glad sooyoung was there. how is she?”

“she’s, you know,” chaeyoung smiles (for the first time since she’s left jennie’s room) as she thinks about her idiotic cousin. “she’s just being sooyoung. doing her own thing, you know?

“and how about your parents? any others in your support system?”

dr. hwang doesn’t ask about _her_ , chaeyoung notices. she wonders if her psychiatrist knows.

“they visit when they can. i haven’t seen them since yesterday, though. they have work, so i get that they can’t visit whenever they feel like it. i don’t mind.”

“good, good. do you think you can narrow down any possible triggers for the flashback?”

chaeyoung pauses to think, reflecting back on sooyoung’s visit before her life had turned upside down. (before she had lost her everything. _she_ is still her everything.)

“the door, i think. sooyoung was coming in, and it banged against the wall, and, i don’t know, it was really loud.” 

“i see,” dr. hwang says, and for a moment, the only sound is her scribbling on her clipboard. “well, chaeyoung, i have good news for you.”

“yes?” dr. hwang never has good news.

“i’ve talked to your doctors, and they think that you’re ready to be discharged. given that you haven’t had another stroke since your second day, and that the swelling in your brain has gone all the way down, they think that you’re very unlikely to have another. so, you’ll be going home tomorrow, as long as we do two sessions a week. okay?”

chaeyoung gives her psychiatrist a wide smile and stands up. “sounds great to me, doc.” 

(she almost wants to ask about jennie. when is she getting out?)

//

park chaeyoung comes home to a warm house. (always so different from jennie’s, she thinks. jennie always liked hanging out at chaeyoung’s place. jennie’s house was cold and distant, chaeyoung’s was warm and familial.)

“if it isn’t my favorite cousin!” bogum grins and envelops her in a hug that seems casual, but chaeyoung feels the sadness in his grip. bogum’s only four years older than her and sooyoung, but he’s always been protective over his family. she still remembers when he beat up those older kids who liked to bother her and jennie on the playground so many years ago. 

(bogum and sooyoung like to try and make her pick between them, but she tells them the same thing every time. she would be nothing without them.)

sooyoung and chaeyoung catch up over greasy burgers at chaeyoung’s favorite fast food restaurant – chaeyoung realizes, with a shock, that she’s been forgetting to talk, really talk, to sooyoung in the week after the incident. sure, they’ve talked, but chaeyoung doesn’t even know how sooyoung’s holding up. she was there, after all, only barely escaping and getting help. so she asks.

“really though, sooyoung, how are you doing?” chaeyoung asks, voice soft and nurturing. sooyoung may be older, but chaeyoung is really the more mature one.

“i’m fine, chaeng,” sooyoung smiles. it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “just worried about you.”

“you don’t have to be,” chaeyoung reassures her, placing a warm hand over sooyoung’s. “how’s yeri?”

sooyoung swallows and her gaze drops to the diner’s white and black checkered floor. “she’s, uh, gone.”

“what?” 

“her parents sent her away,” a teary-eyed sooyoung confesses. “her sister, that bitch, she caught us, and i guess she told her parents. and now she’s at this, like, catholic boarding school, and it’s all my fault.” 

chaeyoung wraps sooyoung up in a tight embrace and wonders how long sooyoung’s been keeping all of this inside. 

“i really like her, chaeng,” sooyoung cries into her shoulder. (chaeyoung can tell. sooyoung has never been the type to cry over people.) “and now she’s gone, and her fucking sister won’t even tell me what school she’s at.”

chaeyoung may not have jennie anymore, but she has her family, (her family, who she knows is infinitely better than yeri’s and jennie’s combined) and for the first time, she thinks she might be alright.

//

_finally_ , jisoo thinks as she drags her luggage to her dorm room. after a long and entirely too quiet summer, she’s finally back at college. 

(she misses yeri. she misses teasing her and playing around with her and arguing with her. she misses her dumb catchphrases and the loud music she plays all the time and she just wants her sister back. but she’ll never admit it.)

“jisoo!” the door swings open and seungwan gives jisoo a quick hug before stepping back and letting the older girl enter their room. “i haven’t seen you in forever!”

jisoo smiles and ruffles seungwan’s hair, laughing at her roommate’s pout. “sorry for kinda disappearing. family stuff, you know?”

seungwan, the sister jisoo’s never had, nods as if she does know, even though jisoo knows she doesn’t. (why couldn’t yeri have been more like seungwan, jisoo wonders idly. maybe then she would still be here.)

“i’m so glad you’re back,” seungwan squeals and jisoo cracks up, the younger girl’s infectious happiness spreading through the room. “i have so much planned. are you hungry?”

“always,” jisoo smiles and lets seungwan lead her to the campus lunchroom.

//

“it’s a shame what happened to that girl, isn’t it?” seungwan asks over their lunch plates, watching the tv screen behind jisoo’s head.

jisoo isn’t quite sure what she’s talking about– all she knows is that lunchroom chicken is absolutely delicious. she’s missed hanging out with seungwan around campus, talking about anything and everything. “what girl?” she asks, mouth full of chicken.

“you know,” seungwan says, and jisoo wants to say that she doesn’t. “that girl, the one who got beat up leaving that nightclub last month. jennie kim. i used to watch her piano concerts on youtube.”

apparently jisoo’s confusion is written all over her face, because seungwan rolls her eyes and steals some chicken off of jisoo’s plate. “seriously, you didn’t know?”

jisoo shakes her head and turns around in her chair to see exactly what seungwan is watching. there’s mugshots of three men displayed across the screen, a news anchor speaking in a serious tone in front. 

_three suspects involved in nightclub hate crime apprehended and arrested late last night_ , the moving banner at the bottom of the screen reads. 

“hate crime?” jisoo turns back to her roommate, who seems to have stolen more chicken from her plate. “what happened?”

“they hurt her because she was gay,” seungwan says it like she’s telling jisoo the forecast for the day, but jisoo’s blood runs cold and suddenly she’s not hungry anymore.

“here,” jisoo says, shoving the plate towards seungwan. “you can have the rest.”

//

_dear Lord,_

_i’m not like them, right? the men who beat up those girls? because, you know, i don’t hate them– gays, that is. they just, they need help. hate the sin, love the sinner, and all that._

_does yerim hate me? please look out for her._

_in Jesus’ name we pray._

_amen._

//

the school year continues and jisoo tries her hardest to push her sister into the back of her mind. it’s not too difficult– her coursework is insanely difficult and she’s mostly worried about how on earth she’s going to pass this semester. she’s pursuing a bachelor’s degree in nursing, and most of her classes are fast-paced and intense– she barely has the time to see her own roommate or call her parents. (she could call yerim, but jisoo already knows her sister won’t pick up).

at least she can relax in her required psychology course, she concedes as she sits down, already prepared to take a nap. psychology is easy. 

she’s about to put her head down when she notices the bold words on the powerpoint in the front of the class – partner project. shit. she doesn’t know anyone in this class– truth be told, jisoo tends to keep to herself. her only real friend is seungwan. (that’s kind of sad, she can hear yeri taunting her in her head). 

luckily enough – or maybe unluckily?- the professor seems to have pairs in mind already. jisoo’s eyes scan down the list posted up on the slide, trying to locate her name– oh, there it is.

_kim jisoo & kang seulgi._

kang seulgi, kang seulgi. she wonders who she is. 

the rest of class goes by without a word from kang seulgi– maybe the other girl skipped class? jisoo can’t blame her. she would skip psychology too, if she had the chance.

yawning, she makes her way back to her dorm when the professor dismisses the class, still tired from a long night of cramming for a test. college is bad enough with her having to deal with her crazy difficult degree requirements, and now she has to do a project with a girl who she doesn’t even know. fantastic.

“oh, jisoo, you’re back!” seungwan grins when jisoo enters their room, sitting on her bed with an unfamiliar girl laying next to her. “seul, this is the girl i was telling you about, jisoo!”

_seul? could this be–_

seungwan’s friend sits up and takes one look at jisoo before her mouth splits open into a wide smile. “hi, i’m kang seulgi, but you can just call me yours,” the girl says, dissolving into a fit of giggles.

jisoo’s face heats up and seungwan hits seulgi on the arm. “don’t scare her off, seulgi, seriously,” seungwan frowns at her friend before turning to her roommate. “seulgi’s a player. don’t worry, she’s leaving soon.”

“hey!” 

“no, it’s okay,” jisoo finally speaks, entering the room cautiously. she must look ridiculous, she thinks, acting this unsettled in her own room. “she can stay.”

“jisoo!” seungwan pouts, covering seulgi’s ears playfully. “i was looking for a reason to kick her out!”

“hey!” seulgi shouts again, this time pushing seungwan down on the bed and beginning her tickle assault. seungwan is squirming and giggling and kicking underneath her and jisoo awkwardly shifts, face feeling impossibly warm.

“stop it!” seungwan manages to rasp out between bouts of laughter, seulgi finally rolling off of her. the room is quiet, for just a moment, the only sounds belonging to the two girls who are trying to catch their breath. jisoo coughs uncomfortably, finally jolting her friends– well, seulgi isn’t quite a friend– out of their daze. “hey, are you okay, jisoo? you’ve been kinda quiet.”

“she’s intimidated by my gorgeousness,” seulgi doesn’t miss a beat, wincing when seungwan’s sharp elbow nudges her stomach. 

“actually, uh… seulgi,” jisoo’s voice is soft. she’s not quite sure if she even wants to be partners with this seulgi girl. she’s strange, and she says weird things. (she seems like she would be one of yeri’s friends, jisoo thinks bitterly.) “i think we’re supposed to be working together for a project. in professor im’s psychology class?”

“oh,” seulgi says, smirking and cocking her head to the side. “if i knew i would be paired up with a girl this pretty, i would have actually gone to class today.”

jisoo blushes and ducks her head, silently praying that she doesn’t look as flustered as she feels. is this person, this _girl_ , actually flirting with her? (is seulgi like yeri?)

“seulgi,” seungwan scolds and seulgi bursts out in laughter again. seulgi likes to laugh, jisoo notes. 

“i’m sorry, jisoo, i’m just messing with you,” seulgi smiles and jisoo’s chest feels a lot lighter. good, she thinks. seulgi didn’t mean any of it.

(there’s a feeling pulling at her. is it.. disappointment?)

“we can meet here tomorrow at like, seven? to work on it? if you’re comfortable, of course,” seulgi asks courteously, sounding a lot different from the seulgi of two minutes ago. 

part of jisoo wants to lie, wants to tell seulgi that she has class, because something about seulgi makes her feel so very strange and she doesn’t like it. but instead she just smiles, tells seulgi that she’s free, and wonders why the older girl has her feeling so on edge.

//

“motivation?” seulgi reads from their copy of the assignment the next day, rolling her eyes as she speaks. “that’s so easy. god, why am i even taking this class?” 

jisoo purses her lips and attempts to rein in her frustration (second commandment - thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain). “what do you mean?” jisoo knows what motivation is– she’s not stupid. but once she has to view it in a psychology 101 mindset, she’s completely lost.

“okay so motivation is like, comprised of activation, persistence, and intensity, right? so activation is the decision to do something. persistence is continuing to try to do that thing even if it’s difficult, intensity is how much work and effort goes into trying to pursue that goal. do you get it?” seulgi explains, eyes lighting up as she speaks. 

jisoo feels a little bad for judging the girl as an airhead. seulgi clearly knows her stuff.

but seulgi takes her awed silence as a no, apparently, because she continues talking. “activation is pretty much determined by instinct. like, okay, do you have siblings?”

(does jisoo have siblings? she’s not so sure anymore.)

“no,” jisoo mumbles, and it doesn’t feel like a lie.

“damn it,” seulgi curses under her breath. “there goes that example. okay. so, i’m motivated right now. what’s my activation?”

jisoo shrugs. “i don’t know. deciding to do this project?”

seulgi shakes her head. “nope. wrong.” there’s a beat and jisoo is about to give up because, come on now, she’s not a mind reader. “it’s deciding to try and get in your pants.” 

“w-what?” jisoo splutters, and she just knows her ears are turning bright red. “y-you.. what?”

seulgi giggles and jisoo hates it– why is seulgi always laughing, why can’t she just be _serious_ for once? “i _decided_ – yesterday, by the way, when you walked in– that i was going to fuck you. that’s activation. i’m _persisting_ , because you’re definitely high-strung but that honestly just makes you more attractive. and, i guess, i’m putting a decent amount of intensity into this, because i could be out at a frat party with, like, all of my friends, but instead i’m sitting on on your bed doing an easy project for a class i don’t even bother to attend. do you get motivation now, jisoo?”

seulgi’s entirely too close now and jisoo can feel a hand moving up her thigh (why, oh why, did she wear shorts?) and her heart is beating so hard in her chest, she’s almost positive seulgi can hear it. “i-i’m not like you, seulgi,” jisoo stutters, raising a hand and gesturing at the rapidly closing space between the two of them. “i’m not gay. i-i don’t do this–“

jisoo gasps when she feels seulgi’s mouth on her neck, planting light kisses on the soft skin there. “tell me to stop,” seulgi purrs, kissing up jisoo’s neck and, oh, she’s getting so close to jisoo’s lips. “tell me to stop, and i’ll stop.” 

(jisoo doesn’t say anything. why doesn’t she say anything?)

seulgi hums against the skin of jisoo’s smooth cheeks when she doesn’t receive an order to stop, taking the opportunity to ever so gently press her lips against jisoo’s. jisoo inhales sharply at the foreign sensation, memorizing the way seulgi’s lips feel against hers and how one of seulgi’s hands is at the nape of her neck, holding her steady, and–

no, this is wrong, this is bad, this is a sin, why isn’t jisoo pulling away?

“w-wait,” jisoo shudders, pulling back from the kiss (she hates how she misses seulgi’s lips almost immediately) and shaking her head. “we shouldn’t be– i think we should stop.”

to her surprise, seulgi keeps her word, drawing back instantaneously. “okay,” she says, grabbing a nearby post-it and scribbling something down on it. “here,” seulgi thrusts the note towards jisoo and swings her backpack over her shoulders. 

“your number?” jisoo asks, reading over the post-it note with a confused look on her face. “why are you giving me your–"

“well, we have to finish this project sometime, right?” seulgi laughs. “we’re partners, remember?”

“yep,” jisoo swallows and tries to ignore how dry her throat is. “partners.”

//

it’s three am and jisoo can’t sleep. she’s been tossing and turning all night, thinking about how seulgi’s lips felt against hers and how _good_ it had felt and how every time seulgi’s hand brushed against her thigh she had felt a spark shoot through her body.

it should have felt wrong. she knows that it _is_ wrong.

but then why did it feel so good?

(and if she slips a hand down the front of her pajama shorts and imagines how good seulgi's talented mouth would feel there, well, God doesn't have to know.)

//

_pretty girl jisoo: can you stop by tomorrow night?_

_pretty girl jisoo: to work on the project?_

_kang seulgi: sure thing._

//

they do not end up working on the project.

they do, however, end up in jisoo’s bed, seulgi planting red kisses everywhere she can see. jisoo’s a panting and writhing mess underneath her, legs locked around seulgi’s back. jisoo wants more. she _needs_ more.

jisoo comes screaming seulgi’s name like a prayer.

kang seulgi leaves the morning after (they never manage to get that project done, but that’s okay), and jisoo goes to church everyday for two weeks straight.


	2. ain't a pill (that can touch our rush)

“how’s my favorite cousin?” sooyoung skips into chaeyoung’s room with a cheesy smile, wrapping her arms around her waist in a warm back hug.

“okay, okay, what do you want?” chaeyoung rolls her eyes at her cousin’s antics, flicking her lightly on the forehead. sooyoung’s only clingy when she wants something– usually food, money, or a ride.

“hey!” sooyoung pouts, flinching at the slightly painful finger flick. “who said i wanted anything? can’t i appreciate you without any ulterior motive?”

chaeyoung just raises an eyebrow and waits.

“okay, so there’s this movie coming out tomorrow, and i was thinking–“

chaeyoung erupts into a fit of laughter and sooyoung soon follows. “this is exactly what i’m talking about, sooyoung, seriously. anyway, i have a job interview tomorrow, so…”

sooyoung gasps, “a job interview? you’re supposed to tell me these things, chaeyoung! where?”

“bae industries,” chaeyoung beams, heart swelling with pride as she discusses the opportunity with her cousin. something like this, something that can change her life, doesn’t come around very often. things have changed, after all. three years after the incident, and she’s learned how to breathe without jennie. “it’s a huge opportunity. i need to get this right, you know?”

“bae industries? holy shit, that’s the dream, chaeng,” sooyoung’s jaw drops, no doubt thinking about all the times they’ve driven past the illustrious bae industries building, tall and expensive and absolutely gorgeous. “are you meeting with the _distinguished_ bae joohyun herself?”

“please,” chaeyoung scoffs. “i’d be surprised if she’s even in the building. i’m supposed to be meeting with her secretary… ms. son, i think.”

“don’t you ever get the feeling that bae joohyun is, like, a total bitch?”

“that’s my future employer you’re talking about, sooyoung, you’d better be careful.”

“well, she seems like a bitch to me,” sooyoung smirks. “but, for your sake, let’s hope she’s a generous bitch.”

//

it hits her when she’s in one of the many elevators of the bae industries building. 

a group of men enter the elevator after her, all wearing suits and holding briefcases and one brushes against chaeyoung’s front as he tries to squeeze into the tight space.

she flinches a little, but tries her best to brush it off. it’s a small elevator, and a lot of people are squashed inside like sardines. it’s only natural for there to be some unintentional physical contact. she’s fine. it’s just a little elevator ride. nothing she can’t handle.

that is, until she smells something familiar. too familiar – the elevator reeks of alcohol, cigarette smoke, and an all-too-strong scent of cologne. it smells like _that_ night, she realizes, it smells like jennie’s face getting smashed into the concrete, it smells like the man from the club’s breath, it smells like blood trickling down her cheek– and, just like that, she’s back in the past.

there’s that man, stomping down on jennie’s hand, but this time there’s no one holding her  down– this time, she realizes, she can _do_ something. 

so she does just that, pushing the man away from jennie, pushing him against the brick wall of the nearest building and landing a punch straight on – it hurts, but she’s too hyped up on revenge to feel the pain. his nose turns a beautiful, beautiful red and soon there’s blood dirtying her fist, but chaeyoung doesn’t care; if anything, it urges her on further, encourages her to keep going until no spot is left untouched. she wants to make him bleed enough for three years.

_this is for jennie_ , she thinks, delivering a blow straight to the jaw.

_and this one’s for me_ , chaeyoung grits her teeth and swings her fists at his head. _maybe, if you’re lucky, your brain will start swelling, too._

the elevator doors ding open and that brings her back to reality, brings her back to earth, brings her back to the man whose face she’s nearly smashed in.

she thinks she can hear people screaming. she doesn’t blame them.

//

“you’re lucky he’s not pressing charges,” sooyoung scolds once she picks up chaeyoung from the police station. 

“i feel so bad,” chaeyoung groans, holding her head in her hands as sooyoung drives them home. “he was so nice about it, too.” the man she had attacked in the heat of her flashback seemed to understand– he had ptsd too, he had told her, from a war. that didn’t stop the police from taking her in for their own records. “bye, future at bae industries. it was nice knowing you.”

“look on the bright side. at least you won’t have to deal with bae joohyun.”

“sooyoung, you talk about her like she killed both your grandmother and her three-week old puppy,” chaeyoung admonishes her cousin. sooyoung’s dislike for the businesswoman seems to have deepened in the past few weeks. chaeyoung doesn’t get it– it’s not like sooyoung’s ever even met her.

“she named her fashion company bae industries, chaeyoung. doesn’t that sound so impersonal? like, industries is for technology companies or metal workers. not clothes. how can you trust a woman like that?”

“you’re so stupid, sooyoung, really,” chaeyoung frowns and decides to drop the subject of bae joohyun for a while. there’s something there, she’s not dumb, but sooyoung isn’t talking, and she knows better than to pursue it.

“hey, wanna do something fun before tiffany admits you to the mental hospital?”

“like what?” chaeyoung doesn’t even want to know why sooyoung’s on first name basis with her psychiatrist. 

“this girl i’m hooking up with is involved in like, this weird underground fighting stuff. there’s a fight today. it’s supposed to be important, i guess,” sooyoung smiles proudly to herself. chaeyoung kind of wants to hit her.

“that sounds like the worst idea ever. street fighting, really?”

“come on, chaeyoung. what’s the worst that can happen?” 

“another flashback, dumbass. fights aren’t really my thing, if you haven’t been able to tell,” chaeyoung points out, eye twitching when sooyoung runs through two red lights in a row. her driving really has never improved, even after all these years.

“listen. exposure therapy is a thing, right? plus it’s super elite, there’s a password to get in. we could be part of a super secret underground society. you can’t tell me that’s not the very least tempting,” sooyoung smirks and chaeyoung hates how she’s kind of right. but she can’t let sooyoung know that, of course.

“i think i need to get you back in school. you’re getting too bored and comfortable living the drop-out life.”

“personal attacks are low, chaeyoung. we’re going to the fight. unless you want to keep starting them wherever we go?” sooyoung grins and knows that she’s won.

“fair enough,” chaeyoung sinks deeper into her seat and sighs. it’s going to be a long night.

//

the first thing chaeyoung notices upon entering sooyoung’s “super secret underground society” is the ring in the middle of the warehouse. it’s kind of hard not to, actually. it’s pretty big, and if she squints her eyes hard enough, she can see two girls dishing it out; one with orangey-red hair that’s moving in every sort of direction, her opponent staying still with her hands up, anticipating an attack.

there’s a crowd surrounding the ring, people shouting various names and instructions. for a moment, it seems like an actual boxing match. but the girls don’t have gloves, just fists, and they’re not in a stadium, just a dirty warehouse where someone’s blasting their shitty trap music. 

“uh, chaeyoung?” sooyoung’s in front of her, wearing an oh-so-guilty expression, and chaeyoung prays to god that sooyoung’s not about to do what she thinks she is. “i kind of have to go.”

“are you kidding me?” chaeyoung hisses, eyes wide and suspicions confirmed. “right now?”

“bogum’s evil fiancée wants to have dinner with him and i, and you know i have to pretend like i get along with her. for his sake, you know?” 

oh, yes. bogum’s mysterious fiancée. chaeyoung still hasn’t met her– part of her thinks that she’s just another one of sooyoung’s excuses. sooyoung seems to really hate her, though.  

“ugh, whatever,” chaeyoung huffs and turns back to the ring, where orange girl is gracefully ducking her opponent’s jabs. she slides around her, and–

BAM. 

orange girl’s opponent is on the floor now, orange girl straddling her hips and striking her with elegance and precision. chaeyoung idly wonders when violence became so beautiful.

“pretty, right?” there’s a man by her side, sipping a beer as he watches the girls fight. the other girl overpowers orange girl easily, pushing her to the ground and landing a few punches as she goes. “i have two hundred bucks on the lion tonight.”

“the lion?” chaeyoung asks, still not able to tear her eyes away from the fight. “which one is that?”

“orange hair. that’s what we call her, anyway. and every lion has a lioness, right? that’s the other one.”

“oh,” chaeyoung breathes, a pit of uneasiness beginning to form in her stomach. something about the one they call the lioness– long brown hair, a fighter, always on guard. it’s making her uneasy. “are they a–"

“a couple?” he laughs, as if he knew exactly what she would say. “no way. more like friendly enemies. rivals, if you will?”

he speaks in a light, calm tone, and chaeyoung finds herself trusting him. (it’s hard for her to do that these days. the only man she can really be around is bogum.)

“anyway, these two are sort of legends here. they’re unpredictable– you shouldn’t bet on either one of them if they’re pitted against each other,” chaeyoung’s about to speak, about to ask why he does anyway, but he just tsks and answers before she can even say a word. “yeah, yeah, i shouldn’t have betted tonight. but it looks like the lion is going to win, anyway. i think the lioness is out of it tonight, her moves are off.”

chaeyoung wonders how often the man comes here to know when someone’s moves are off. she doesn’t think she can judge him– not too hard, at least. it’s easy to see how someone gets addicted to this sort of thing.

he’s right, she thinks, as the lion knocks her opponent out. the lioness does seem pretty off her game. 

//

she’s on her third drink of the night (probably a bad idea. if dr. hwang was here, she would definitely be in big trouble. she’s not supposed to mix her medication and alcohol. good thing dr. hwang’s nowhere near her) when the girl approaches her.

orange girl, she realizes. the one they call the lion.

“hey,” she says, giving chaeyoung a wide smile. “i don’t think i’ve seen you around here before.”

“i got ditched,” chaeyoung shrugs. “didn’t really have a choice.” she wonders if she should be going crazy over the fighter in front of her. that’s probably what she’s used to.

“oh!” orange girl says, suddenly sounding less badass and more– is that concern? “do you need a ride? because i’m leaving right now if you want–“

“back off,” that voice is all too familiar, and so is the arm slipping around her waist and oh my god it’s not, it can’t be–

“jennie,” orange girl rolls her eyes and sticks her tongue out. “i was just offering this pretty lady a ride.”

“i’m sure you were,” jennie bites back and chaeyoung has to stop herself from yelling, because there’s no way jennie kim is holding her, not after what happened three years ago. “come on, lisa. go home. ice your bruises before i make some more.”

this doesn’t make sense. none of this makes sense. jennie should not be at her side like nothing’s changed, like three years haven’t passed. but lisa grumbles under her breath (“you do know i’m the one who won, right?”) and slinks away into the crowd.

“come on,” jennie reaches out to grab chaeyoung’s hand and guides her to the exit. “let’s get you home.”

//

the ride back is awkward. to say the least. 

jennie doesn’t turn on the radio. she never has, chaeyoung remembers. she preferred to play classical music in the car, always choosing lengthy orchestral pieces over pop music.

now, she just prefers silence. 

//

“so,” jennie swallows once she’s driven chaeyoung back to the apartment she shares with sooyoung. “it’s been a while, right?”

yes, it has. three years is a long time. 

chaeyoung settles on a simple nod. words are too much at a time like this. 

“you threw me off my game today, chaeyoung. from the moment i saw you–“

“it’s like going back in time, right?”

jennie nods and grabs something from the center console. “i made something for you. it was supposed to be for your graduation, but, you know. i’m sorry i wasn’t there to see it.”

chaeyoung wants to tell her that it’s okay, but she knows that she won’t mean it. so she just takes the mixtape with a soft thank you, and turns to leave the car, because having jennie so close to her hurts after all this time–

“chaeyoung, wait,” jennie’s hand reaches out to grab her shoulder, and chaeyoung wonders if it’s the same one that was stomped into the ground so many years ago. “i just wanted to say–“

“whatever you want to say, i’m not interested. you had three years, jennie. that’s more than enough time,” chaeyoung’s even surprising herself a little. she didn’t know she had it in her to be this firm, this unforgiving. she doesn’t think the chaeyoung of three years ago would recognize her now, talking this way to the girl she loves.

“three years is a lot, i know. and i’ve been doing a lot of self-reflection–“

“i wouldn’t call underground fighting self-reflection, but sure–“

“listen, chaeyoung. i fucked up. i was running away, and i just, i wanted someone to blame, you know? and you were there and convenient, and i really fucked up, chaeyoung,” jennie looks so genuinely sad and chaeyoung wants to kiss the pain away.

that’s a bad idea, though, and she knows it. so she settles on reaching out and caressing jennie’s cheek, thumb moving over a dark bruise. 

“it was hard on me too, you know,” chaeyoung whispers. (she’s not sure why.) “i loved– no, i love you. and then you just left me.”

“i still love you,” jennie exhales, tugging chaeyoung forward by her shirt and kissing her over the center console. 

chaeyoung pulls away first, licking her lips and savoring the taste of jennie. she’s missed her. she’s missed this. “baby steps, okay?”

“baby steps.”

//

she has a session with dr. hwang the next day. chaeyoung already knows it’s not going to end well.

first, there was the incident at bae industries. then she started mixing alcohol with her meds. and now jennie kim is back in her life. yeah, dr. hwang isn’t gonna like this one bit.

her psychiatrist is still cooped up in her office, though, probably still in session with a patient. this is her time though, so chaeyoung marches up to the door, preparing to knock, when it swings open, catching her by surprise.

“oh!” a familiar voice squeaks, and it’s – wait, orange girl?

chaeyoung must have said that out loud, because orange girl laughs and chaeyoung finds herself laughing too, because her attitude is just so contagious. 

“actually, it’s lalisa. but you can call me orange girl too, if you’d like. and you’re jennie’s friend, from last night, right?”

chaeyoung knows that she should tell the truth, say that jennie’s her girlfriend, not her friend. but lisa is all smiles and giggles and the words just don’t come out of her mouth. “yes. chaeyoung, jennie’s friend. you see dr. hwang, too?”

“yup,” lisa smirks, and for a moment, chaeyoung sees the lion come back. “i don’t feel things. which is probably bad.”

“i feel too much,” chaeyoung offers. “it’s not too great either.”

“i think we have a lot more in common than we thought, chaeyoung. can i get your phone number?”

“of course,” chaeyoung beams, grabbing a nearby pen and scribbling her number on lisa’s arm. lisa smiles and promises to call, and for a moment, chaeyoung forgets about jennie completely.

//

“wait, what? are you serious?” yeri yells into the phone, ignoring the dirty looks that reuniting families send her way.

“yerim, please, don’t turn this into a bigger deal than it has to be,” she can hear her mom sigh, no doubt rubbing the bridge of her nose tiredly. she’s always done that when she’s stressed– it’s something both yeri and her sister picked up. then again, she hasn’t seen her parents in three years. a lot has probably changed. “it’s just not a good idea for you to stay with us right now.”

“w-what? mom, i just graduated. where else am i supposed to go?” yeri’s voice cracks – nice going, she thinks, now you sound weak. (deep down, though, her heart is breaking. these are her parents, they’re supposed to be there for her and love her unconditionally. what did she ever do to deserve this?)

“you’re not staying at my home,” her mother snaps and yeri feels tears brimming in her eyes. “you need to figure something out.” 

the call ends and yeri presses the back of her hand to her mouth, trying her best to restrain the sob that she knows is rising in her chest. she can’t cry, not here, not now. she has a reputation at saint mary’s to uphold, even if she is leaving.

now what? she doesn’t have anyone else to turn to. not sooyoung– sooyoung’s in school, she can’t take in yeri, not in a time like this. on breaks, she’s always gone to saeron’s house, but she’s sure that her parents will be more reluctant to let her in without saeron by her side.

saeron. she has to be strong for saeron. she has to push through for her best friend, even if it means–

yeri’s fingers have already pressed the call button, bracing herself to hear the one voice she’s hated with such a passion for the past three years.

“yeri?”

“hello, jisoo.”

//

jisoo’s shiny new car pulls up to the curb forty minutes later, yeri’s eyes skimming over the approaching vehicle appreciatively. looks like her big sister’s been doing well for herself. 

“hang on, let me help you with your luggage,” jisoo says, stepping out of the car to assist, but yeri stiffens and shakes her head. 

“it’s fine, i got it,” she doesn’t want jisoo anywhere near her. this is just a necessary evil, for the time being. yeri will do what she has to survive for a year. and then, after saeron graduates, they can run away together. just like saeron promised.

jisoo sighs softly and gets back in the car, eyes flickering to yeri’s in the rear view mirror once the younger girl enters the vehicle. “you’re old enough to sit in the front, you know,” jisoo attempts to lighten the mood, a small smile on her face. 

yeri just scowls and looks out the window, watching her school vanish in the distance. jisoo’s trying her best to act like she’s her friend, but yeri sees right through it. as if jisoo’s even bothered to call on birthdays.

“so…” jisoo trails off, evidently trying her best to carry on the one-sided conversation. “how are you?”

“how are you? are you–“ yeri doesn’t finish her sentence, just scoffs and shakes her head. jisoo hasn’t changed. she’s still the same insensitive bitch from three years ago. “i don’t really feel like talking, jisoo.”

to her surprise, jisoo just bites her lip and nods, focusing back on the road in front of them. 

//

“the guest room’s that way,” it’s the first sentence jisoo speaks in what feels like hours (in reality, it’s only been forty minutes, but the awkward silence between the two sisters is deafening). “i have work in an hour, but if you want, we could hang out for a little bit–“

“i have plans,” yeri cuts her off, pushing past jisoo in order to get to the guest room. (she doesn’t have plans. it’s not too late to text sooyoung, though.)

yeri can hear her sister’s broken sigh all the way from her room, but it doesn’t faze her. jisoo brought this upon herself, she thinks. what did she think would happen? yeri would just come running back like nothing ever changed? like jisoo wasn’t personally responsible for the past three hellish years of her life?

she thought her sister was smarter than that.

yeri shakes her head and clears her thoughts, whipping out her phone to send a quick text to sooyoung, instructing the older girl to pick her up from jisoo’s place. there’s not many people she’s missed since leaving the city, but sooyoung’s at the top of her short list. park sooyoung, the girl who has been haunting her thoughts for the past 1,095 nights. 

she still remembers that night like it was yesterday. jisoo had left for church, and their parents were at a meeting that was bound to run late. yeri had thought it was safe– safe for her to ditch the facade she put up around her family all the time.

it’s exhausting to live as someone you’re not. yeri doesn’t expect anyone else to understand– anyone else except sooyoung, that is. sooyoung puts on a front in front of everyone, acts like she’s some chic mystery that no one can get their hands on. 

yeri knows the truth. she knows that sooyoung is as broken as anyone else. _that_ day comes back to her mind– the day sooyoung had come to her house, begging yeri to make her feel better. 

so that’s just what yeri did, let sooyoung place reverent kisses all over her body, let sooyoung touch her and caress her and _love_ her. she didn’t need to know what could have possibly have happened to upset her best friend so badly. that didn’t matter. all that mattered was that, for just one moment, three years ago, it had almost felt real– until jisoo went ahead and ruined it all. ( _“you don’t have to be so gentle, sooyoung, i’m not going to break.” “i have to be gentle with you, yeri. you’re my most precious possession.”_ )

her phone buzzes in her hand, startling yeri out of her memories. just a text message from the girl she’s been thinking about for so long– _i’m outside._

thank god, yeri thinks. she’s only been in jisoo’s house for twenty minutes, and the atmosphere is stifling. yeri would take quiet jisoo over invasive jisoo any day, don’t get her wrong, but it’s like the building tension is a ticking time bomb, just waiting to explode. it’s driving yeri up the wall. she needs to escape.

her hand is on the front door’s handle. she’s so close, just one turn and she’s out–

“where are you going?” 

“out,” yeri bites her lip, not bothering to turn around. “with sooyoung. don’t wait up.”

yeri nearly expects jisoo to try and stop her, but jisoo lets her go without another word, and yeri wonders if this jisoo is the same one who sent her away all those years ago.

//

“you got taller,” is the first thing yeri hears upon entering sooyoung’s car. chaeyoung and jennie are sitting in the backseat, the latter girl resting her head on the other’s shoulders. cute, yeri thinks. why can’t her and sooyoung be like them?

“i’m an adult now, chaeng, haven’t you heard?” yeri laughs, turning around to stick her tongue out. jennie and chaeyoung… for the most part, they look the same as they did three years ago. same goofy smiles, same teasing attitudes. jennie’s eyes are different, though, cold and dark and they contrast her warm smile sharply. and chaeyoung’s jumpier than she remembers – yeri didn’t miss the sharp gasp that escaped her lips when yeri closed the car door.

yeri thinks that she must have missed a lot.

“you’re always going to be little yeri to me, squirtle,” jennie’s laughing but the look in her eyes hasn’t faded. chaeyoung smiles and shakes her head, flicking jennie playfully on her forehead.

“don’t listen to her, yeri, she’s just bitter because she’s always going to be the short one.”

“hey! not true–“

“at this rate, you’re gonna be taller than sooyoung.”

“false,” sooyoung chimes in. “no one is ever going to be taller than me.” sooyoung’s eyes catch yeri’s and she smiles, and yeri thinks she’s never seen anything more beautiful.

this is what she’s been missing, all these years. her, sooyoung, chaeyoung, and jennie. up against the world–

sooyoung presses down on the accelerator abruptly and the car jolts forward, causing a yelping chaeyoung to fall forward into the back of the seat in front of her. “shit, sooyoung!”

“sorry,” sooyoung laughs, sounding very not sorry. chaeyoung just groans and mumbles something under her breath, jennie pulling her up to sit on her lap. that doesn’t seem very safe, especially in a car manned by park sooyoung, but they’re too cute to pull apart. 

“please tell me you’re planning on getting a drivers license, yeri. i’m too beautiful to die young,” chaeyoung complains as she snakes an arm around jennie’s waist. yeri’s never really thought about that– she’s going to need one, though, especially when saeron graduates. who else is going to drive them away?

not sooyoung. yeri doesn’t think sooyoung and saeron would get along. it’s a shame– the two most important people in her life should be friends, too. but there’s always the possibility of saeron falling for sooyoung, and that wouldn’t be good for anyone. no, sooyoung belongs to yeri. 

(vaguely, she wonders why jennie and chaeyoung can’t be the ones to drive. jennie used to drive them around, sometimes, if she was in a good mood. what changed?)

“where are we going, anyway?” yeri asks, mindful of the fact that they’re driving further and further away from jisoo’s apartment. 

“the warehouse,” chaeyoung says in a hushed tone, wriggling her eyebrows up and down like little caterpillars in an effort to sound spooky. jennie stifles a laugh and looks at chaeyoung with such adoration that it makes yeri want to throw up. 

(she wants that like crazy. she wants to see it in sooyoung’s eyes, too, wants to be the reason of it even more.)

“it’s gonna be cool, yeri, trust me,” sooyoung reassures her, and yeri believes her, because she’ll believe anything as long as it comes out of sooyoung’s mouth.

//

the warehouse is not cool. 

the warehouse is loud and grungy and full of people yelling and fighting and, most importantly, the place where some girl no one knows steals sooyoung away for a dance. 

sooyoung’s not the only one who’s left their little group– jennie’s down in the ring, fighting a girl who is obviously much weaker than her. jennie’s able to overpower her easily, catching her opponent by surprise when she lands a punch between well-defended attacks. chaeyoung must be proud, yeri thinks, but chaeyoung’s much too busy talking to the orange haired beauty sitting next to her. 

she had introduced herself to yeri as lisa, she remembers, the girl seemingly popping out of nowhere after chaeyoung had kissed jennie good luck. but now lisa and chaeyoung are in their own little bubble, lisa’s arm wrapped around chaeyoung’s shoulders as they laugh about nothing in particular. 

something about this seems wrong. off. but it’s not yeri’s place to interfere with jennie and chaeyoung’s relationship, so she goes back to staring daggers at the girl who sooyoung is grinding on. 

stupid bitch, yeri thinks as she drinks from the flask filled with vodka that chaeyoung has oh so kindly provided. she doesn’t know how lucky she has it. 

sooyoung turns around to place her hands on the other girl’s hips, pulling her in slowly, and yeri decides that she has had enough with this dumb warehouse. she stands up from the dirty booth they’re occupying (chaeyoung and lisa don’t even notice, she notes bitterly) and storms towards the dance floor, grabbing sooyoung’s wrist and dragging her outside.

“w-what?” sooyoung squeaks, rubbing her wrist once yeri lets go. “what’s wrong?”

suddenly, away from the music, yeri finds herself not knowing what to say, very aware of the blush spreading across her cheeks. what’s she supposed to say? that she was jealous? “uh, nothing. just wanted some fresh air, i guess.”

“okay…” sooyoung trails off, her doubt evident in her voice. yeri’s about to stammer out an apology for tearing her away from the girl when sooyoung pulls a blunt and a lighter out of nowhere, a smirk now plastered on her face. “wanna smoke?”

yeri sighs and acquiesces, watching as sooyoung takes a drag from the blunt in her hand, looking so at peace with the world. the older girl cups yeri’s cheek and brings her in to a languid kiss, exhaling the smoke into her mouth.

yeri draws back from the kiss reluctantly to breathe the smoke out into the cool air, not missing the satisfied glint in sooyoung’s eyes.

“that’s my girl,” sooyoung murmurs, kissing the crown of yeri’s head softly, and yeri smiles.

(sooyoung’s lips taste like everything and nothing, taste like temptation and heaven, taste like the god that yeri has never believed in.)

//

“aw, baby, your lip!” chaeyoung pouts when the four meet up in sooyoung’s car, brushing her fingertips lightly over the gash on jennie’s lower lip. “no more kisses for you if that gets infected.”

“it’s fine,” jennie brushes her off, intertwining their fingers together in an effort to get chaeyoung to stop touching the wound. “if it gets worse, i’ll get it checked out at the hospital.”

“promise?” 

“promise,” jennie links their pinkies together and kisses them softly, giggling when chaeyoung wrinkles her nose at the sight of the blood that transfers off of her lips. “even if it means dealing with that annoying nurse.”

oh, yeri definitely knows an annoying nurse or two. jisoo’s been off her mind the entire evening, but with jennie’s words, her sister is back at the front of her thoughts. she’s going to be so dead when she gets home. 

“do you usually stay out this late?” yeri asks sooyoung, the other two girls too engrossed with each other to pay attention. “don’t you have school?”

she’s not sure if it’s her imagination, or if sooyoung’s hands grip the steering wheel a little tighter at those words. “it didn’t work out.”

“oh,” yeri frowns. “okay.”

sooyoung’s phone lights up from its position in the cup holder and yeri picks it up, knowing that distracting sooyoung when she’s driving is pretty much just asking to get in an accident.

_seulgi: we can meet at our spot tomorrow, if you want._

yeri’s eyebrows furrow, staring at the unfamiliar name. sooyoung’s never mentioned a seulgi before. “who’s seulgi, sooyoung?”

“w-what?” sooyoung’s eyes flicker over nervously, and yeri starts to get the feeling that something isn’t right.

“seulgi,” yeri waves the phone in her hand, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in her chest. “she just texted you.”

“seulgi?” sooyoung’s trying to act as if she’s never heard that name before in her life, but yeri sees right through it. chaeyoung’s always been the actress in the park family, and sooyoung can’t lie for the life of her. not to yeri, at least. “uh, nobody.”

you’re a liar, yeri thinks, but she lets it go. sooyoung must have a reason to keep this mysterious girl from her. and she trusts sooyoung. (to a fault.)

//

joohyun buries her face in her hands as she scans the latest sales reports half heartedly– she’s been far too stressed out lately. business is getting tough. there are new competitors popping up everyday, and joohyun can’t go a day without being reminded of how young bae industries is. 

she’s only been in the fashion business for three years, and her investors just love to remind her of that fact. of the fact that she can be replaced in the blink of an eye. god, she needs a drink. or a distraction. or, maybe even– 

the corners of joohyun’s mouth turn upwards in a smirk as she presses the button that connects her to her secretary’s desk. “seungwan?”

“yes, ms. bae?” so attentive. as always.

“push my meeting with the investors to this evening, please. and forward any incoming calls to your desk. i want to see you in my office.” 

“yes, ms. bae,” seungwan responds warmly and joohyun smiles, disconnecting the call. this is what she needs. a little break from reality. and who better to help with that than her favorite employee? 

there’s a timid knock on her office door and joohyun’s heart can’t help but speed up a little in anticipation. “come in, seungwan.”

“you wanted to see me, ms. bae?” seungwan’s deliciously nervous, one hand fiddling with the waistband of her black pencil skirt. (it’s joohyun’s favorite. the way it frames seungwan’s backside perfectly as she walks, the way it falls onto the ground when joohyun slides it off of seungwan’s legs. it’s even better when seungwan’s wearing nothing underneath.) 

“yes, seungwan. please, sit down,” joohyun smirks and stands as she pats the desk in front of her, making apparent exactly where she wants seungwan to sit. seungwan’s eyes are cautious, but she complies, perching on the edge of the desk in front of joohyun a little awkwardly. “you’ve been working hard lately, haven’t you?” joohyun asks, hands stroking just below the hem of seungwan’s skirt. the younger woman tenses slightly at the touch, thighs stiffening when one of joohyun’s hands drift slightly up the smooth skin. (she doesn’t stop her, though. she never does.)

seungwan takes a deep breath and closes her eyes, not bothering to give a verbal response as she nods rapidly. joohyun’s hand ventures further up her skirt and brushes over her clothed center, seungwan’s hips jolting forward at the surprise contact. joohyun’s hand retracts rapidly, causing seungwan to let out a little whine that joohyun finds absolutely adorable. how could she ever resist? “this off first, okay, babygirl?” 

seungwan bites her lip at the pet name as joohyun tugs seungwan’s skirt down, the fabric falling to the floor as joohyun slots herself between seungwan’s now spread open legs. “you’ve really been working too hard,” joohyun murmurs, wet kisses on seungwan’s neck punctuating her words. “i think you’ve more than deserved a reward, don’t you think?” 

“y-yes, ms. bae,” seungwan stutters out, letting out a content sigh when joohyun’s kisses dip down below her collarbone. 

“you should call me joohyun,” joohyun sighs, pulling back to admire the red marks left on seungwan’s pale skin. “when we’re like this, at least.”

seungwan leans forward to catch joohyun in a surprisingly passionate kiss, the younger woman locking her legs around joohyun’s waist in an effort to deepen it. “ _joohyun_ ,” she moans, pulling back to catch her breath. “please fuck me.”

arousal coils in joohyun’s core, and a small whimper escapes her lips at the sound of seungwan’s voice, all breathy and sexy and, _god_ , joohyun just can’t resist. 

how could she ever?

//

“i should probably get back to work,” seungwan sighs, hastily slipping her skirt back on and tucking in her button up shirt. “don’t forget about your meeting, ms. bae.”

back to calling her ms. bae. seungwan is too predictable. “w-wait,” joohyun stutters out, surprising even herself when she grabs seungwan’s wrist as the younger woman turns to leave. 

“what–“ seungwan’s almost immediately cut off with joohyun’s lips on hers, the older woman capturing her in a rapidly intensifying kiss. “joohyun,” seungwan sighs against joohyun’s lips, pulling away when joohyun bites down on her lower lip. “i really need to get back to work.”

“you can go now, baby,” joohyun can’t stop the pet name from slipping out, not when seungwan’s in front of her, looking absolutely delicious. seungwan looks so beautiful like this, hair disheveled and cheeks red, all fucked out. and it’s all because of her. “don’t forget, i don’t want anyone bothering me before the meeting.”

the door closes behind seungwan and joohyun closes her eyes, running her tongue over her lips, allowing herself to enjoy the taste of seungwan one more time before she has to turn her attention back to the papers that are now scattered all over her office floor.  she never gets the chance, though, because her phone rings, loud and shrill and so unlike seungwan’s moans.

“ms. bae?”

“hello, seungwan,” joohyun grins, voice lowering to a sultry whisper. “i didn’t think you would want more so soon–“

“your fiancé is on line two, ms. bae.” 

joohyun inhales sharply, nearly ending the call in sheer surprise. of course he would call, especially at a time like this. (that man has never had a good sense of timing. it runs in his family.) “thank you, seungwan–“ she manages to force that much out before being cut off by the beeping of the machine. 

seungwan hung up on her, she realizes. joohyun doesn’t know if she wants to laugh or cry. so, instead, she just presses a button on the office phone and mentally steels herself.

seungwan will be fine, joohyun reassures herself. it’s nothing the younger woman doesn't already know. seungwan always knows, and seungwan always ends up bent over her desk anyway. 

“good morning, baby,” he greets, all cheerful and happy and joohyun wishes she could wipe his ever-present grin off his face, just for – she can’t even see him, but she knows it’s there. (he’s always so damn happy, even when joohyun comes home hours later than she should, even when she has to cancel date night, even when she forgets birthdays and anniversaries. joohyun wonders what it would take for him to finally break.) “you left pretty early this morning. is everything okay?”

“of course,” joohyun smiles, trying her best to match his enthusiasm. “you know how work’s been, honey.”

“right, of course,” his tone falters, and for a moment, joohyun wonders if this is it. if this is finally the moment he calls her out on all of her lies. but then the cheerfulness is right back where it was and joohyun deflates into her seat. _don’t be a coward_ , she thinks. _come and get me_. “are you free later? i was thinking we could head out for lunch. i can send a car over to pick you up–“

“oh, honey, i really wish i could, but i have a meeting around lunchtime and i just can’t afford to leave, not today, you know?” lie, lie, lie. the company could run itself with joohyun gone for an hour or two, and the meeting isn’t until four. it’s so easy to lie to him. a little too easy.

(sometimes joohyun wonders if he knows. if he knows about all the secrets and the lies and everything joohyun has been keeping from him. he’s a smart man– why does he let her lie?)

“i absolutely understand,” he says (he always understands), and joohyun feels guilt pulsing in her heart. bogum really loves her. more than he should.

//

jisoo’s been at work for approximately fourteen hours (yeri’s been counting) and yeri is absolutely out of her mind with boredom.

who knew nurses had such long hours? is jisoo ever even going to be home? what if someone breaks in, what is yeri supposed to do then? for once in her life, yeri finds herself craving the presence of her older sister, if only to have someone as a meat shield in case of emergency.

groaning, she picks up her phone and dials a familiar number. “sooyoungie? i need a ride.”

//

“yeri–“

“thanks for the ride, sooyoung,” yeri leans across the center console to give sooyoung a kiss on the cheek in thanks, but sooyoung just turns her head to the side, staring out the window at yeri’s destination. “sooyoung?”

“why are we here, yeri?” 

“what do you mean?” yeri cocks her head to the side, playing dumb. she knows exactly what sooyoung’s getting at– she doesn’t blame her for being confused.

“just…” sooyoung bites her lip, conflicting emotions displayed on her beautiful face. “be quick, okay?”

“i’ll be back before you know it,” yeri promises, this time successfully landing a kiss on sooyoung’s cheek before getting out of the car, heading towards the house only a few meters away. she’s a little (a lot) nervous, raising a shaking hand to knock on the door.

one second passes. then another. and then the door is swinging open.

“m-mom?” yeri’s voice trembles, hating how needy she sounds. “can i come in?”

yeri’s mother just shakes her head and steps out of the house, not bothering to close the door behind her. “what do you want, yerim?”

yeri bites her lip hard at the rejection, looking down at the concrete as tears fill her eyes. “i just wanted to come over for a little while. just to catch up.” it’s not a lie– she misses her family. even with everything they’ve put her through. sometimes, she just wants her mother to hold her and tell her everything will be okay.

it’s the one thing about her that she knows sooyoung will never understand. sooyoung’s family is large but loving, with her parents who have always put their children before themselves and her compassionate brother and her cousin who is always there for her, no matter what. sooyoung always has someone to hold her, if she needs it. 

yeri has no one. 

“how many times do i have to tell you this?” yeri’s mother folds her arms and sighs, as if yeri’s just some minor inconvenience in her day, like a small bug climbing on her arm or like running out of milk in the refrigerator. “you aren’t welcome here, yerim. don’t visit again.” 

she turns to re-enter the house, but yeri’s hand darts forward to grab her arm. (stupid yeri, she thinks. just couldn’t help herself.) “mom, please–“

her mother shakes off yeri’s hand without a second thought, turning around for just a second. “don’t call me that. you’re no daughter of mine.” 

the door slams closed behind her mother, and yeri breaks down crying on the front steps. _you’re supposed to love me_ , she wants to scream, wants to pound her fists on the door until it breaks down, until her fists are red and raw. _no matter what. i’m your daughter, you_ have _to love me._

warm arms bring her into a comforting hug, and for a moment, yeri thinks that her mother has had a change of heart. maybe she’s willing to let yeri back into her and her father’s lives. she’ll do anything, she thinks, anything for her parents to love her again. where did she go wrong?

“shh,” sooyoung murmurs, running a hand up and down yeri’s back in comforting circles. “it’s okay, yeri. i’ll be your family.”

(yeri wants so much more than that. but sooyoung’s oblivious. as per usual.)

//

yeri comes home to her sister, still in her nurse scrubs, pacing back and forth in her living room. her movements are so frantic, yeri thinks jisoo might burn a hole in the carpeting.

“hey,” yeri manages to say, chest still heaving from crying for so long. she’s prepared to head straight to her room, but then jisoo’s arms are wrapped around her, enveloping her in a crushing hug. 

(how long has it been since jisoo’s held her like this? she doesn’t think jisoo’s done as much as hold her hand since she turned eight.)

“i was so worried,” jisoo chokes out, holding yeri by the shoulders as she pulls back to check her little sister’s wellbeing. “where were you?”

yeri wants to yell at jisoo, wants to push her away and wants to tell her not to touch her, but jisoo’s touch is so comforting and yeri finds herself melting into it. “i visited our parents,” she admits, beginning to tear up again. (she hates how every time she thinks about her parents, she ends up in tears. she hates how dependent she is on the two people in the world who hate everything about her. she hates how _weak_ she is.)

“oh, yeri,” jisoo exhales and holds her tighter. “look, i know this isn’t the best time, but i’m so sorry. about everything, about getting you sent away–“

“shh,” yeri closes her eyes and shakes her head. “not right now, okay?” right now, she just needs someone to hold her. she can’t deal with apologies and mending broken relationships, not right now. 

“okay,” jisoo whispers, and for once, the two sisters are on the same page.

//

“let’s go out,” sooyoung proposes over their shared cup of instant noodles, poking yeri’s cheek with one end of her chopstick. “please?”

“no way,” yeri frowns, batting away the annoying wooden stick. “i don’t have any money.”

“jisoo doesn’t give you any?”

“nope,” yeri sighs, twirling a solitary noodle around her eating utensils. “i’m broke. so very broke. hey, do you think bogum could give me some money?”

sooyoung scoffs and brings the cup of noodles closer to her side of the table. “wow, kim yerim. and here i thought you were my friend because of me, not because of my rich older brother.”

“we all know that’s how you can afford not going to school or getting a job,” yeri teases, snatching the noodles back. “i mean, i can just hit up governor park bogum myself if you have a problem with it.”

“i actually have a better idea,” yeri raises an eyebrow, not liking the mischievous smirk on her best friend’s face.  “we should find you a sugar daddy.”

“a– a what?” yeri nearly spits out her noodles, eyes wide. “i’m gay, sooyoungie.”

“a sugar mommy, then. dollar signs have no gender, my dear yerim.”

“you’re so gross.”

“and i’m so right. come on yeri, it’ll be fun!” 

“ugh, fine,” yeri relents, unable to resist the grin spreading across sooyoung’s face. anything for sooyoung, she reminds herself. anything to see that stupid smile. she lets sooyoung sign her up for various websites, lets her fill out all the forms and profiles.

after what seems like hours (despite sooyoung finishing her work in minutes), sooyoung slides yeri’s phone back across the table. “you’re going to start getting messages in no time.”

“this is so gross,” yeri pouts, examining her phone with newfound disgust. “i can’t believe we’re doing this.”

“money is money, yeri. now do you wanna watch a movie, or what?”

“of course!” yeri beams and tugs sooyoung over to the couch, pulling her down with her as they fall into the soft leather. “what do you wanna watch?”

“it’s up to you,” sooyoung sinks down into the couch and rests her head on yeri’s shoulder, one hand moving to take her hand and the other fumbling for the remote. “i want whatever you want, yeri.”

yeri’s a little embarrassed to admit that sooyoung’s phrasing has her heart in her throat, made only worse by their hands clasped together. i want you, yeri thinks, not for the first time that night. she’s never brave enough to say it, though.

eventually, they settle on a scary movie, yeri hiding her head in sooyoung’s shoulder every time there’s a jump scare. sooyoung just laughs and holds her tighter, and yeri thinks she could stay in this moment forever. just her and sooyoung, watching horror films and cuddling in sooyoung’s apartment. this is all she wants– all she’s ever wanted.

all she’s ever wanted is somebody to hold her.

her phone vibrates quietly next to her, but sooyoung, still engrossed in the movie, seems to not have noticed. yeri grabs it slowly, not wanting to startle sooyoung into letting go of her. 

_one unread message from_ – yeri reads, groaning slightly when she realizes it’s from one of the stupid sugar websites sooyoung signed her up for.

_one unread message from irene b:  
you’re a very beautiful girl, yeri._

yeri’s face reddens slightly once she clicks on the woman’s profile and scrolls through the pictures there. 

maybe this won’t be so bad, after all.

//

the meeting goes off without a hitch, as expected. there were a few investors who seemed a little doubtful of her plans to bring bae industries into the world of electronics– after all, who’s ever heard of a company successfully bridging the gap between fashion and electronics? joohyun’s the best in the business world for a reason, though. if she thought she wouldn’t succeed, she wouldn’t have proposed it. 

this, bae industries, is her empire. it’s her legacy. she’d do anything for it, even if it means pushing away everyone she knows for work, even if it means marrying a man she feels nothing for. bae industries is in her blood, her brain, her soul. she spends every waking hour bettering her company. who needs love when you have the entire world at your fingertips?

but, sometimes, she feels so damn lonely.

sure, she has bogum, has their passionless embraces and their cold bed to come home to. and she has seungwan, too, has angry sex in empty meeting rooms and stolen kisses when no one is looking. but that’s just it– she doesn’t have anyone to laugh with, anyone to text when she’s coming home late from work. 

maybe that’s why she’s scrolling through sugar baby websites at one in the morning. bogum’s not coming back home tonight, he’s at the capital for some political meeting– not that he would try to stop her, anyway. no one’s really catching her eye, though. all the girls look the same, pretty dyed hair falling over their shoulders and batting long eyelashes at the camera. she’s about to call it off, try to catch some sleep before having to head back to work, when a girl at the bottom of the page catches her eye.

_kim yerim, 18 years old._  

there’s something about her– joohyun can’t pinpoint what exactly it is. all she knows is that she needs to find out more. 

( _paying for company_ , joohyun’s subconscious nags at her. _that’s a new low, isn’t it? after fucking your secretary, of course._ ) 

joohyun types out a message to the girl and promptly tells her subconscious to shut up.

//

“don’t forget, ms. bae, you have a meeting with a… kim yerim, today,” seungwan’s curiosity is evident in her voice, but she doesn’t ask questions. she never does. (that’s one strange similarity between seungwan and bogum– they both never ask questions. joohyun can’t stand it.) 

“can you book a reservation for 2 at 8:30 pm at the restaurant we were at last week for the mayor’s birthday? and call my driver too, let him know that he has to pick up miss kim at her house at 8– i’ll text you the address,” joohyun fumbles with her phone and the stack of papers she has in her other hand. today is the busiest day of her week. at least she has the dinner to look forward to.

“of course,” seungwan hesitates slightly while she copies down the information, and joohyun just knows seungwan’s wondering exactly what kind of business meeting this is. (joohyun is wondering the same thing, if she’s being honest.) 

seungwan’s still upset about what happened a few days ago, when bogum called– joohyun can see it in her eyes, see how seungwan’s been only talking to her when it’s necessary. “seungwan,” she coos, putting her papers down and walking to seungwan’s side of the desk, placing her hands on the armrests of seungwan’s chair. “have i told you how stunning you look today?” 

“so cheesy,” seungwan murmurs under her breath, eyes finally meeting joohyun’s. she’s trying her hardest to stay professional, but joohyun can see the faint pink in her cheeks. “but, thank you, ms. bae.”

“so beautiful,” joohyun sighs and leans forward, lips just barely brushing seungwan’s ear. “god, i just want to ravish you right now. i don’t care who’s around, i just want to bend you over this desk and have my way with you–“

“except you can’t, because you have a meeting in five minutes,” seungwan exhales, pushing joohyun away from her gently. she can’t hide the way joohyun’s words have affected her– her eyes are dark and full of lust, and joohyun has to physically resist the urge to give into her desires with seungwan looking at her like that. “don’t be late, ms. bae.”

“of course not. i’ll see you later?” it’s a stupid question, seungwan’s literally paid to be there, but that doesn’t stop joohyun’s heart from lighting up when seungwan nods.

“of course, ms. bae.”

//

joohyun is having a good day. she really is– all the meetings for the day have gone exceptionally well, she’s found a little time to play with seungwan in between, and there’s that dinner in the evening with yerim that she has to look forward to. all in all, a good day, right? right.

wrong. 

“what are you doing here?” joohyun snaps, dragging the petulant girl who had been throwing an incredibly large tantrum only seconds before into her office, slamming the door behind them. 

“you haven’t been home in two days–“

“it’s none of your business when i return to _my_ home, sooyoung, now please, get out of my office–“

“he’s really worried, you know, he got me to come all the way up here when i could be, i don’t know, out there, discovering the cure for cancer–“

“you know perfectly well you’re not doing anything with your life, and if bogum’s worried, he can call me himself–“

“what have you even been doing that’s making you too busy to talk to your own fiancé, joohyun?”

“don’t be like that sooyoung, you know how busy i am!”

“it was your anniversary yesterday,” sooyoung hisses, slamming her hands down on joohyun’s desk, and suddenly everything makes sense. “it was your two year anniversary, and you’ve been ignoring him all week!” 

“w-what?” joohyun jerks back, shaking her head rapidly. “no, no, that’s not true, our anniversary’s next week, i know it is–“

“your anniversary was yesterday,” sooyoung repeats, voice calmer but her obvious hatred apparent in her words. “and you haven’t spoken to him in days.” 

joohyun wants to say that bogum hasn’t spoken to her either, that he had to send his kid sister up to her workplace to confront her. but sooyoung’s glaring at her with fiery eyes full of pure disdain, and if looks could kill, she would certainly be six feet under by now. “i-i’m sorry,” she breathes, sitting down in her desk chair and burying her face in her hands. “i’ve just been so overwhelmed lately, i guess it just slipped my mind– i’m sorry.”

“it’s not me you should be saying that to,” sooyoung sighs, suddenly looking very exhausted. “look, i can book you the fanciest restaurant in the city, if you want. i’ll let bogum know, the only thing you have to do is show up. okay?”

joohyun’s about to agree (despite her initial instinct to argue that she doesn’t need sooyoung interfering with her personal affairs), about to pledge the next month to making it up to bogum, when the young girl that had caught her attention two nights ago crosses her mind. _yeri_. shit. she couldn’t possibly do two dinners the same night. “sooyoung, that sounds amazing, it’s just that–“

“are you fucking kidding me?” sooyoung growls, bringing a hand up to her forehead and massaging her temples. joohyun’s almost ashamed to say that she flinches a little at sooyoung’s rough tone– joohyun’s older than sooyoung by six years, but sooyoung towers over her, and if it ever came down to a physical fight, sooyoung would absolutely destroy her. “what’s more important than this, joohyun? i’m being serious. what could possibly be more important than your relationship?” 

“b-business meeting,” joohyun stammers out (wouldn’t her rivals like to see her like this, all nervous and stuttering and nothing like the image she portrays in the press), and sooyoung just rolls her eyes in response. 

“it’s always something with you, isn’t it?” sooyoung scoffs and grabs her purse, slinging it over a shoulder. she’s about to leave, one hand hovering above the door handle, when something seemingly possesses her to turn back to joohyun. “he deserves someone infinitely better than you, joohyun.”

sooyoung leaves, flinging the door open dramatically, and joohyun crumbles into her chair, willing the tears not to come out. sooyoung’s right– joohyun’s known it from the moment she met bogum all those years ago. she doesn’t deserve him. she never will.

“ms. bae?” seungwan’s soft voice floats in through the open door and joohyun wipes away tears that haven’t fallen, straightening up in her chair. “is everything alright?” 

“of course,” joohyun musters up a shaky smile, melting in seungwan’s concerned eyes. “everything is fine.” it’s a lie, but joohyun’s used to those already. 

“i tried to stop her, but you know how miss park is.” joohyun chuckles bitterly at seungwan’s words– park sooyoung is, without a doubt, the most stubborn and hard-headed girl joohyun has ever had the displeasure of meeting. she’s always known of sooyoung’s intense dislike for her– it was evident from their very first meeting, when bogum had introduced his then-girlfriend to his little sister.

“you’re probably not good enough for him,” then-teenaged sooyoung had informed her, the same disdainful look in her eyes present. “if you hurt him, you’re dead to me.” bogum had just chuckled nervously and pushed his sister away, but sooyoung’s words have been ringing in joohyun’s ears for the past few years. 

sooyoung’s right, she thinks. i’m not.

“ms. bae?” seungwan’s gentle hand on her arm shakes her out of her memories, joohyun jolting slightly in surprise.

“sorry, seungwan, what is it?”

“what sooyoung said… is it true? about you not going home?” seungwan’s biting her lip nervously, looking down at joohyun with those ever-so-concerned chocolate-colored eyes, one hand brushing a strand of hair behind joohyun’s ear. 

“it’s not a big deal,” joohyun deflects, dismissing seungwan’s concerns. “you know how swamped i’ve been lately. it’s just easier to stay here on busy days.”

“joohyun,” seungwan scolds and joohyun closes her eyes, relishing in the way her birth name sounds on seungwan’s lips. “you need to take care of yourself. if not for your sake, for bogum’s.”

_mood_ ruined, joohyun thinks, pursing her lips. “can we just… not talk about him? not right now?”

seungwan narrows her eyes a little, but she sighs, letting it go. “your driver’s just left to pick up miss kim. i can drive you, if you need a way to get to the restaurant…” seungwan trails off, cheeks flushing, evidently remembering the last time she had given joohyun a ride. 

(joohyun and seungwan can’t be in enclosed spaces together for a considerable amount of time– they can’t resist each other. any car rides with the two of them almost always end in a quickie in the backseat. if it was anyone else, joohyun would consider it a problem, but she can never get enough of seungwan.)

“it’s fine,” joohyun smiles, her grin finally reaching her eyes. “i can drive myself.” 

//

joohyun can tell that yeri isn’t quite used to this world. 

the younger girl is nervous and jittery, her eyes widening in surprise as she looks over the menu the waiter has placed in front of her. (joohyun can’t read minds, but if she could, she thinks yeri’s probably concerned about the dollar signs next to each option.)

“don’t worry,” joohyun offers yeri a reassuring smile, slipping a comforting hand over yeri’s. “everything’s on me.” 

it’s intended to be a calming gesture, but yeri slides her hand back and lets out a shaky breath. “i’m sorry, irene,” she apologizes, not quite meeting joohyun’s inquisitive eyes. “i’m not really used to… whatever this is.”

“to be completely honest with you, i’m not either,” joohyun admits, taking a sip of her red wine. “i’ve never done this before.” joohyun carried her work persona with her to the dinner, trying her best to act bold and confident, but her own nervousness is starting to shine through. (it’s not like she _wants_ anything from yeri, other than someone to talk to on lonely days. that doesn’t mean that their arrangement is any less conventional, though.) 

“are you… seeing anyone? because i don't want to get involved with someone who’s attached,” yeri asks, reciting the words like someone instructed her what to say, and (not for the first time), joohyun gets the feeling that yeri doesn’t know exactly who she is.

(joohyun had used an alias on the website, but, even so, her name has been everywhere in the past few years. _rising politician park bogum and businesswoman bae joohyun attend movie premiere, governor-elect park bogum and girlfriend bae joohyun photographed entering restaurant, governor park bogum and bae industries’ ceo fiancé bae joohyun visit children at local hospital_. yet, somehow, yeri seems completely oblivious.)

“of course not,” joohyun lies, the false truth slipping off her tongue easily. yeri relaxes visibly and offers joohyun a weak smile, her first of the evening, and joohyun wonders when exactly lying became so natural. “so, how do you feel about fifteen a week?”

“f-fifteen?”

“fifteen hundred,” joohyun clarifies, and yeri’s eyes light up in shock. “does that sound okay? we can do more, if you’d like.” 

“that’s a lot of money, irene,” yeri gulps, eyes wide. “are you.. are you sure?”

“absolutely. you’re worth it,” joohyun says, and for once, it’s not a lie. 

//

yeri starts to open up more once their entrees arrive, the younger girl divulging that it’s her second week back in town– that explains a lot, joohyun thinks. not to sound completely self-centered, but joohyun’s pretty sure she’s one of the most recognizable people in the city. three years ago, though, before yeri was sent away, joohyun was a nobody, just like anyone else you would see walking down the street.

(yerim reminds joohyun a little of what she used to be, back before everything had happened. before she created bae industries, before she met park bogum, before telling lies became as natural as breathing.)

“shit, it’s getting late,” it’s the first time yeri’s cursed in front of her, and joohyun can’t help but find it absolutely adorable. “i should be getting back home. i don’t want jisoo to worry.” 

“of course,” joohyun agrees, standing up and offering yeri her hand. “my driver can be here in five to pick you up.”

“sounds fantastic,” yeri smiles, intertwining their fingers as they walk out of the restaurant together. “it’s really nice being in a car with a competent driver, you know.” 

“from what you’ve told me about her, jisoo sounds like the kind of person who’d be an excellent driver.”

kim jisoo, from the little that joohyun’s heard, sounds like a perfectionist, the kind of person who stopped taking risks a long time ago. (yeri speaks about her sister as if she barely knows her, and joohyun is starting to feel like yeri really doesn’t.) 

“oh, no, not jisoo,” yeri chuckles, a hint of bitterness just barely concealed. “my best friend. she’s the worst driver i’ve ever met. you have no idea how many times i’ve almost died in her passenger seat.”

(joohyun’s heart clenches a little at those words– best friend. it’s been a while since she’s had one of those. years, even.)

“well, if you ever need a ride, just call my driver,” joohyun smiles as they wait for yeri’s ride, squeezing their still-intertwined hands softly. “doesn’t matter where you need to go, he’ll take you. no more fearing for your life, okay?”

“thank you, irene,” yeri says sincerely, leaning in to kiss joohyun’s cheek softly as joohyun’s driver pulls up to the curb. “this was really nice.” 

“let me know if you need anything,” joohyun says, letting go of yeri’s hand a little reluctantly. “good night, yeri.”

“night, irene,” yeri shoots her one last warm smile before entering the car, and joohyun can’t stop an identical one from spreading across her face.

//

joohyun stops by the office before going home. she tells herself that it’s because she needs to grab some papers, but, truthfully, those can always wait until the next morning. (joohyun may be a natural liar, but she’s never been good at lying to herself. she’s trying to push seeing bogum as far as she can, but even she knows that she can’t avoid him forever.)

_stop trying to run_ , she scolds herself. _just grab the papers and go._  

her plan is going well. that is, until joohyun steps out of the elevator up to her floor and is immediately greeted by the sight of someone who should definitely not be in the building at this hour.

“seungwan?” joohyun questions, a little too loudly. seungwan’s head jolts up from her desk where she was dozing off, eyes wide as she realizes she’s been caught. “shouldn’t you be home by now? it’s almost eleven, what are you still doing here?”

“sorry, ms. bae,” seungwan yawns, rubbing the sleep out out of her eyes. “i was just…”

“just what?”

“i was going to stay here for the night,” seungwan admits, suddenly not meeting joohyun’s gaze. “i was, um, going to make sure you went home tonight.” 

“oh, seungwan,” joohyun sighs, leaning against seungwan’s desk and taking the younger woman’s hands in hers. “you don’t have to do that for me. i told you, i’m fine.” 

“still,” her secretary protests, one of her thumbs rubbing soft circles on the back of joohyun’s hand, concern evident in her tone. “i just wanted to be sure.”

“you worry too much, baby,” joohyun purrs, leaning in for a gentle kiss, but seungwan stops her, one hand placed flat against joohyun’s shoulder. “what’s wrong?”

“nothing,” seungwan says, reaching up and rubbing a finger across joohyun’s cheek. “you had lipstick on your face. don’t worry, it’s gone now.”

“o-oh,” joohyun stutters and wonders if she owns seungwan an explanation, an _it’s not what you think it is_. but seungwan just smiles her soft smile and joohyun thinks about how much she doesn’t deserve her. 

“i’m sure bogum wouldn’t be too happy if you came home like that,” seungwan says, smile never dropping from her face, and for some reason, it hurts.

//

joohyun slips into the condo she shares with bogum, hoping that her fiancé is asleep or maybe still at work, too busy with politics to come home. (she knows that she’s wrong, that bogum makes it a point to come home before it gets too late if he can help it. it’s nice to pretend that the possibility exists, though– it makes her feel a little less guilty.)

the lights in the living room are still on, and joohyun’s heart sinks, knowing that she can’t run anymore. this is it, the confrontation she’s been hiding from all week. 

“hey,” bogum puts his book down next to him on the couch, looking at joohyun with warm brown eyes. “come sit, baby.”

joohyun complies, trying her best to hide the confusion on her face. he should be yelling, should be blowing up at her. so why isn’t he?

bogum wraps his arm around her shoulders and she tries not to cringe from the touch– his hands are hard and firm, all too different from seungwan’s soft and gentle touches. “you know, i was starting to think you forgot where you live.” 

there it is. 

joohyun lays her head on his shoulder, not trusting herself to look directly into his eyes. “i’m so sorry, honey. work has been so crazy, and i just–“

bogum laughs and intertwines their hands together ands joohyun thinks that’s she's never been more confused in her entire life. “don’t worry, i understand. how was your day?”

“o-oh, uh, it was fine. i’m making more progress towards getting bae industries to start transitioning towards electronics. there’s this one investor that’s giving me the hardest time though…” joohyun trails off, turning to bogum and pouting. “i think you might know him, actually. his office is on the fifth floor of city hall.”

“really?” bogum muses, running one hand through joohyun’s hair. “guess i’ll just have to go and have a chat with him, hmm?” 

_have a chat with him._

joohyun’s not stupid. she knows exactly what that means. now, she could intervene– could stop bogum before he even gets the chance to lay a finger on the man who’s been giving her so much trouble. 

but why would she? what benefit would that give her?

so instead joohyun beams and presses their lips together, and as per usual, she feels absolutely nothing at all. 

**Author's Note:**

> twitter: @blkveivets


End file.
